Friday, January 27, 2012

Zach Strawn Takes You Into "The Grey"


Once more into the fray,
Into the last good fight I’ll ever know,
Live and die on this day ...
Live and die on this day ...
If one looks at ‘The Grey’ and sees Liam Neeson kicking wolf ass, you’d be correct.  Perception is our reality.  We tend to know the thespian Neeson as Oscar Schindler, Rhas al Ghul, Qui Gon Jin, Rob Roy, Darkman and an overall resident badass.  Neeson has become so ingrained as a contemporary yet grittier  Steve McQueen that with ‘Taken’ and ’Unknown’ we expect him to unleash his animal rage and kill wolves using MacGyver –esque nuances.  And let’s be honest, when we see Liam run at the wolves with mini-liquor bottles between his knuckles, our own carnal ambitions come forward and all of a sudden we become Michael Vick.  Fuck those wolves.  I went into this film expecting the typical man vs. beast flick that translates so well in ‘The Edge’ and ‘Jaws’.  What I got was so much more.

Very rarely do movies leave you feeling so overwhelmed with thought and contemplation that you want to just sit down in a dark corner and polish off a bottle of Woodford Reserve by yourself.  Ok, maybe that just happens to me, but ‘The Grey’ is an intense sermon.  It’s a last prayer in the religion of survival and a hymn to the resounding belief that we all can overcome obstacles if we keep fighting.  Neeson draws upon the emotion of his wife and her memory as we collect his characters flaws and core.  Another flashback is between him and his father.  Ironically, Neeson draws upon the happiest memories he has in the most perilous of situations he’s a part of.  It lends us to see an acceptance of death.  He’s willing to succumb, but why doesn’t he?

It is a survival story.  Seven men survive a plane crash and decide to hike out of the Alaskan tundra as wolves begin to attack them and weaken their union.  A colorful cast of characters keep ‘The Grey’ fresh with diversity of opinion, beliefs, and personalities.  Conflicts between some of the men and... how a few of them meet their end... remind us that we all approach stress... and the end of our lives in very different ways.  Some pass away in the quiet of the night, some quit, some try, but fall up shirt.... and then there are those who despite all hardship, keep fighting.  It’s a powerful allegory for the times we live in.  If this film feels like its summed up in the entire line of ‘No Fear’ t-shirts... you could be right.  But the power of resiliency is arguably one of the most inspiring attributes an individual can possess.  We all have to ask why Neeson keeps fighting, and its certainly open for interpretation... but we know that he is at peace... being at war.  

We all have wolves in our lives, we have blizzards, and rivers blocking our path.  We have experienced crashes and survived dire straights.  With death (and taxes) being the only certainty the rest of us will all experience... it seems that we all have a choice.  As the poem Neeson recites frequently throughout the film ends... our choice is relatively clear....

Live and die on this day ...


 -Zach

Zach writes for the blog "Shoot From The Hip"

Jose Canseco Is Handling Retirement Well... Just Kidding, He’s Now Begging The Boston Red Sox For A Try Out Via Twitter


Instead of opting for the more tradition resume/interview route to seek employment, our favorite scorned tweeter has taken to the keyboard in his latest attempt to make a comeback to the big show. This time around his team of choice is the Boston Red Sox, who last I checked, weren’t in the market for a 47 year old rat who hasn’t played professionally in over a decade (No, Yuma doesn’t count). He claims to have batted .350 lifetime with 1 HR for every 9 plate appearances in his career at Fenway. Not sure if there is any way to verify these numbers, but if I were Jose, I wouldn't quit my day job. 

Oh that's right, he doesn't have one...

-fresh (@danye33)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Sports Movie Showdown (Hockey Edition)


Last week we went 12 rounds with cinema heavyweights and only one film stood tall, and brain damaged, screaming at the top of his lungs "ADRIEN!!!!." The winner was Rocky IV, proving that the 2 Man Weave does not have any Russian readers. Rocky IV landed one of those wild hay-makers that sounds like a whip cracking on the rest of the opposition by grabbing 37% of the vote. Once again the winner that the readers of the weave have selected may not have been the most critically acclaimed of the group, but it was certainly deserving nonetheless.

We now move on to the next division of films in this tournament to crown the Best Sports Movie of All-Time. This time we’re here to break down the only films on the list to take place on a big sheet of ice. That's right Hockey, the sport from up north. Hockey is the only legitimate team sport that allows fighting in the middle of the game. It also has some of the greatest underdog stories to ever occur in sports, both in real life and on the big screen.


Miracle

When the general public thinks about the greatest moments in hockey history, you’ll be hard pressed to find an answer that isn't the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Simple known as the " Miracle on ice" this might not just be the best hockey moment ever, but the best sports  moment of all time. It would be pretty hard to create a better story than this one. That's why "Miracle" is such an amazing sports movie in the first place. This is one of the very rare occasions where a true story ends up being more unbelievable than a made up screenplay could ever be. A group of young unknowns college kids take down the Titans the sport. Just like Rocky IV, Mother Russia is challenged once again by a smaller and less physically imposing opponent. The hardest part of this movie is trying to figure out what the hell half of the players are saying, and they are AMERICAN. The Beantown accents are a plenty in this one. This movie will jack you up and make you want to skate around your local rink with blood all over your face and a American Flag draped on your back during some poor little girls birthday party and you’ll do it AGAIN....AGAIN......AGAIN....AGAIN. (N.M.)


Mighty Ducks

The premise of this movie could be very dark if you think about it. Scumbag lawyer gets a DUI and is forced to take a group of kids and turn them into a championship hockey squad against their will. But it’s a Disney movie so everyone is happy and everything works out in the end. First off this was made when Emelio Estevez was a legitimate movie star, oh how far we have come. This movie played every stereotype to the T- it has the CAPTAIN (CHARLIE CONWAY),  THE BLACK KID (JESSE HALL, HE WAS ALSO THE BLACK KID IN SANDLOT). The New/Rich kid (ADAM BANKS) and the kid I always got compared too or pigeon holed into THE FAT KID (GOLDBERG). This consummate rag tag group of kids will face-off against the dreaded Hawks. The former team of Coach Bombay and the creepiest part is that his coach is still hanging around little kids all the time. This was and still is one of my favorite movies of all time. It is so ingrained in my thought process of sports that when I play NHL 12 and have a breakaway I always triple deke and always MAKE HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. It’s the same reason whenever a room goes quite I feel the need to start a good slow cheer, QUACK QUACK QUACK. (N.M.)

Mighty Ducks 2

The quack attack came back with a sequel for the ages.  They added lovable newcomers like Julie “The cat” Gavin,  Bash Brother Dean Portman, Cowboy Dwayne Robertson, Ken Wu and the knuckle pucker- Russ Tyler.  The Ducks were inexplicably chosen to represent America in the Junior Goodwill games, where they faced off against the evil Iceland for the Gold.  Some highlights from this film include the gang roller blading through the Mall of American, the Bash Brother’s rocking out to BTO's “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”, The Iceland coach blatantly cheap shot Esteves in front of both teams yet no one came to defend his honor, the boys shopping for Bikini’s on Rodeo Drive and Team Trinidad’s iconic tie-dyed jerseys.  Vote for this movie if you love America. (D.C.)


Slap Shot

The saddest part of this movie is that it’s going to get the least amount of votes. Just from the way the voters have been selecting over the past couple of weeks I don’t think this movie has a shot (pun intended). It’s sad because of how awesome this movie is. It’s what major league and Bill Durham were to baseball, this movie is everything and more to hockey. Paul Newman plays the old hockey veteran that is still holding on for dear life, to a career that just never took off. He takes a newcomer, Ned, under his wings and shows him the way Minor League hockey is supposed to be played. That somehow convinces Ned that in the final game of the year he needs to strip down to his jock strap and skate around the rink. This among countless classic moments including anytime the original Hanson brothers (not those pussy Mmmbop Hanson’s) make an appearance on screen makes forever engraved this movie into the sports comedy bible. (N.M.)

MYSTERY ALASKA

Have you and your friends ever played a game of outdoor backyard hockey and thought to yourselves “Yea, we can beat the New York Rangers”? The answer is no, unless you live in Mystery, Alaska. That is exactly what happens in one of the few films in Russell Crowe's career that he doesn't kill tons of people. The most realistic part of this movie is that when the Rangers come to the small town they start banging everyone’s wife including the mayors. Also, it’s realistic in the fact that a rec hockey team would never beat The Rangers and neither did this fictional team. (N.M.)


 ***BONUS***

SUDDEN DEATH

Simply Put its DIE HARD ON ICE. The final scene is a helicopter crashing through a stadium into the ice itself. (N.M.)

YOUNG BLOOD

A baby faced Rob Lowe plays Dean Youngblood, a talented young hockey player, trying to figure out the game in the minors. It’s a pretty sick movie that isn’t mentioned a lot but the final fight scene is ridiculous because they end up using their sticks like medieval swords. (N.M.)

-Miggs

Dolan Pulled The Trigger, And It Backfired


Last February the Garden was a temple of hope. The Knicks were steadily clinging to the brighter side of .500 for the first time in almost a decade and their rag tag group of over achievers were doing just that, overachieving.  They were winning the games that they were supposed to win, and every now and then they'd steal one from a contender, proving that these were no longer the same bottom feeder Knickerbockers that fans had unfortunately come to expect.  Their center was playing at an All-NBA level, they had a potent offense, a solid floor general and a nice rotating cast of interchangeable wings that each brought unique skill sets to the table. A foundation had been put in place, and for the first time in a long time, the future looked bright in the big city.

You know that old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side"?  Well multiply it by ten and that's New York sports fans, and more specifically, New York sports management, in a nut shell.  Nothing is ever good enough, moves must always be made, your team can always "improve" somehow.  So when it became evident around the All-Star break last season that Carmelo Anthony would not sign an extension with the Denver Nuggets, Knicks owner James Dolan knew this was his chance to land himself a second superstar, and he would not let that opportunity pass him by.

On the surface there is no way the Knicks should have ever been in a position where the negotiating ball wasn't in their court.  Carmelo wanted New York just as badly as New York wanted him. During negotiations he even implied that he would sign there as a free agent (for less money than the max extension that only Denver could offer) in the summer of 2011 if a deal didn't get worked out before the deadline.  But then some rumors started to fly, most notably Andrew Bynum for Melo, and Dolan began to inch closer and closer to that dreaded panic button.

Donnie Walsh, the team's GM at the time, took a more cautious approach, advising the team to hold out for a fair offer or test their luck in the free agent market that summer.  Donnie had been brought in to make up for the decade of incompetence that had taken place before his arrival, and worried that by showing their poker hand too early, Dolan would go all in.  After all, stars sell in this league, and it's not every day you get the chance to send out two of the games most recognizable figures onto the court, night in and night out, for years to come.

So sure enough, against the wishes of the team's General Manager, Dolan signed off on a pre-deadline deal that sent rising star Danilo Gallinari, starters Wilson Chandler and Raymond Felton, along with Timofey Mosgov and a first round pick to the Denver Nuggets for Carmelo Anthony and some pieces.  It was a rushed decision, but one that could certainly be justified.  The Knicks had pulled the trigger.

And it backfired.

The Carmelo Anthony experiment thus far has been a roller coaster of mundane highs and far too many lows.  Hell, in Melo's first month alone the team went on a seven game winning streak and a six game losing streak.  Amar'e's production dropped significantly, Fields became a shell of himself and lack of depth became a crippling factor that would ultimately lead to their demise.  They got swept by a decaying Boston team, a series that saw them get blown out in two laughers on their own court.

Promises were made. "Next year we'll be back better than ever". We had heard it all before. Then the lockout happened, quickly halting any opportunity for the team to gel together over the summer months. After a deal between the owners and players union was finally made in early December, the shortened free agency period began and the Knicks wasted no time in using their amnesty clause on their only true point guard (Chauncey Billups). This allowed them to then go after a lifetime 8ppg-8rpg center for the steep price of $14 million per year (Chandler) to anchor a non-existent defensive unit.  The signing wasn't bad on paper, but then you realized that their coach, Mike D'Antoni, known for his fast paced, seven seconds or less offense,  was heading into this season without a true point guard, a center who's useless offensively outside of ten feet and a still unsettled, ever growing, alpha dog battle between Carmelo and Amar'e.


Which leads us to present day, where the Knicks currently sit in eighth place in the Eastern Conference, a mere half game ahead of the Bucks and the lowly Cavaliers.  Including the playoffs, the Knicks are 21-27 since trading for their superstar forward, Carmelo Anthony. In that same stretch, the Nuggets are 30-16 (12-5 on the year).  Last year these two teams finished first and second in points per game (Den 107.5, NYK 106.5).  This year not much has changed for the Nuggets, who remain tops in the league in that category at 105+, while the Knicks have regressed all the way down to 94.3.

This is due largely in part to the Knicks horrific shooting woes. In fact, only the Sacramento Kings boast a worse shooting percentage than the orange and blue.  The main culprit so far has been the aforementioned Carmelo, who is shooting a career worst 40% from the field on 21+ shots per game, 6 more attempts per than Stoudemire.  Meanwhile, while playing for the Knicks West in Denver, Gallinari is putting up career best in points, rebounds, assists, shooting percentage and blocks as he makes his strong case for his first of many All-Star appearances.

For New York the excuses have been plentiful, and although some have been warranted, it can't be overstated enough that the Knicks put themselves in this position, and have no one else to blame for their ineptitudes.  By not calling Denver's bluff eleven months ago, the Knicks essentially chose their own fate.  Had they waited the situation out, their best case scenario would have been playing the 2012 season with Amar'e, Melo (With Curry/Jeffries off the book, they would have been able to afford to give Melo a max contract last summer), Gallinari, Chandler, Felton, Mosgov, Douglas, Fields, Shumpert and Harrellson.
The worst case scenario would have been bringing back that same early 2011 nucleus (a nucleus that went 28-26 as a unit), with a mid-level free agent (think Kris Humpries and his 10 rpg at $8 mil) and ample cap room to make a run at Dwight or Deron Williams in summer of 2012.  Now the fate of their season rests in the hands, and stomach, of Baron Davis.


By now it's painfully obvious that at the very least the Amar'e/Carmelo duo is not playing out as originally hoped.  The offense looks stale, Melo is chucking and Amar'e is disappearing late in games for the first time in his career. It could be the coach, it could be the (lack thereof a) point guard, it could be something as simple as not even having a full year to get used to playing with each other.  Whatever the reason ends up being, they owe it to the players to let this thing play out.

If I could go back in time would I "ok" the Melo deal? No. But we can't go back in time (yet, at least) so for now I think what's best for the Knicks would be to work with what they've already got. I don't think it's fair to dangle Amar'e's name out there like a carrot every time a disgruntled superstar requests to be traded off their team.  You, James Dolan, made your grave, now it's time to lay in it. Or better yet, dig your team out of it! A foolproof way of doing this would be by surrounding your stars with capable, or at the very least competent, role players and a coach who knows how to run a set offense.  Figure out who the go to guy is on this team, make it known, but also explain how important whoever the #2 is to whomever it ends up being, and how crucial they are to the teams ultimate success.  This guessing game we're in the midst of now isn't going to fix itself without some leadership and guidance from up top.

One last word of advice for James Dolan- at the very least let the gun powder wash off your hands before pulling the trigger again.

-fresh (@danye33)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

"Shit Drake Says" Actually Made Me Laugh


Not going to lie, this is only the second "Sh*t People Say" video that I've seen.  Been avoiding these suckers like the black plague and to be honest I'm not really sure why.  I guess I just assumed that were corny if everybody else was obsessing over them. Oh well, I'll take the L on this one, and will be sure to post any other favorites that I come across.  The floodgates have officially been opened.



-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Jeffrey Gaines "In Your Eyes"



Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered  is a new music feature we'll be putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers from years past. How many times do you end up listening to a cover a think "Whoa, this blows the original out of the water?" I'd say this happens roughly 8% of the time, but when it does, god damn it can be good.  Our inaugural installment features Jeffrey Gaines covering Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes."  This song was immortalized by John Cusack's boombox toting performance in the classic 80's film Say Anything. Gaines' cover does this song justice and then some, as he beats away on his 6 string like it owes him money.

-fresh (@danye33)

Monday, January 23, 2012

Let's See How The People Of Happy Valley Are Coping With The Death Of Their Favorite Child Rapist Protector, Shall We?



You're right, I'm sure the lung cancer had nothing to do with it.


"Let us light one candle for each child....."



 Don't be sad, Burger King is going to start testing home delivery!


Love this bro's eyes closed, fake cry swag. Totally milking it in an attempt to get some sympathy pussy later.


Straight tears, not saying a word. Staying true to the Joe Pa way!


Joe Pa wanted us to believe that he had never heard of "Rape and a man".



 Those glasses look like a drooping ball sack. Well done!

images courtesy of SI

Giants-Pats Set For Super Rematch



For the second time in just four years, the New England Patriots and New York Giants will be facing off for a shot a Super Bowl glory and the highly coveted Vince Lombardi trophy.  Although many of the central pieces remain from that February 2008 duel, including quarterbacks Tom Brady & Eli Manning and coaches Bill Belichick & Tom Coughlin, this time around the script has changed.  No longer are the Patriots the undefeated, double touchdown favorites, world beaters that they once were. In fact it's the Giants won this match-up when these two teams faced off in week 9, prevailing 24-20 in week 9, in a thriller that set the stage for this colossal rematch.

Admittedly, both teams needed a stroke of good fortune to advance on Sunday.  For the Patriots it was Billy Cundiff, who missed a 32 yard field goal for the Baltimore Ravens in the closing seconds of regulation, essentially sealing the deal for New England. Had the kick gone in, we would have been looking at overtime. Instead, the Pats won 23-20. 

The Giants good fortune came at the expense of Kyle Williams, the second year wide-out for San Francisco.  Filling in for the injured Ted Ginn Jr., Williams fumbled twice fielding punts, including a crucial drop in overtime that led to the game winning field goal by Lawrence Tynes. Journey man and special teams expert, Devin Thomas, recovered both fumbles for Big Blue, the games only turnovers.  The latter recovery, coming in overtime, gave the Giants possession at the S.F. 24 yard line, barring eerie similarities to when they intercepted Brett Favre in overtime of the 2008 NFC Championship, setting them up for a game winning drive at the Packers 34.  


With the win, Eli Manning became the winningest road playoff quarterback of all-time, and Tom Coughlin tied former Cowboys coach Tom Landry for most road playoff victories with seven. For the Patriots, it's just more of the same- as this marks their fifth AFC title in a dozen years. However, it's the unfinished business from Super Bowl XLII that still looms heavy over any pre-title celebration.  

Things will certainly be different this time around. One example of this is the emergence of Rob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, two deadly tight ends that have helped elevate New England's offense to never before seen heights. For the Giants, their staple of getting a strong four man pass rush remains, it's just the players that have changed, with Jason Pierre-Paul filling the void left by Michael Strahan nicely. And despite not having David Tyree there to make any game saving helmet catches, they will have Victor Cruz, and Giants fans are perfectly fine with that.


-fresh (@danye33)

Friday, January 20, 2012

Just Touch It Dave! Eddy Curry Makes Triumphant Return To The Hardwood (Pun Intended)

(Roto World) Eddy Curry, who is said to have been as large as 400 pounds at times in the past few years, stepped on an NBA court for the first time since 2009 and finished with six points on 2-of-3 shooting with three rebounds in six minutes.

In honor my favorite bank robber fat ass making his return to the N.B.A. last night, I figured now would be an appropriate time to dig up my favorite article the NY Post has ever published. It's from January 13th, 2009, titled "Guy Driver: Eddy Curry Put Moves On Me". It talks, in graphic detail, of Curry's alleged sexual come on's towards his ex-limo driver, Dave Kutchinsky. I dare you to read the following excerpt and not laugh.  You can't.

"Knicks center Eddy Curry was slapped with a shocking sex-harassment suit Monday by his former driver, who claims the 6-foot-11 hoopster tried to solicit gay sex from him.
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."
Curry also made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them," the Manhattan federal court suit says.
Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including "f---ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK."
Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a "fully loaded" gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.
"Look, I have one in the chamber," Curry allegedly said.
Kuchinsky, who worked for Curry from October 2005 through October 2008, says he was initially hired as an around-the-clock chauffeur for Curry and his family at their Burr Ridge, Ill., mansion.
But shortly after starting work, he soon found his duties fell well outside his job description and "progressively became Curry's "house-boy,'" his suit says. He is seeking $98,000 plus compensatory damages from the injured Knick, whose contract pays him $9.4 million this year. Kuchinsky says he is owed $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses for which Curry never repaid him.
"Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there," said Kuchinsky's lawyer, Matthew Blit. "Imagine going into your boss's office ... and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it's in a corporate office or a private home."
Curry, who has played just 2 minutes, 38 seconds this season because of knee injuries, declined to comment late Monday in New Orleans, where he was expected to sit out the Knicks' game against the Hornets."

Have a good weekend crackers!

-fresh (@danye33)

This Is Why I'm Not Afraid Of San Fran Heading Into The NFC Title Game



This duo starts out real strong, then they crashed and burned worse than the Hindenburg.  Kind of like how that 13-3 regular season record won't mean jack once the 49ers lose on Sunday to Big Blue. It's all about how you finish people. 60 minutes of hell and these guys just don't have it in them.

Somebody do me a favor and cue the Cruz Salsa Dance!



-fresh (@danye33)