The 2 Man Weave

Sign Up For The 2 Man Weave Tournament Pick 'Em Pool!

2012-03-12T10:07:00.000-04:00

Well folks it's that time of year again. March Madness is upon us and we figured what better way to showcase your knowledge then by competing against all the other staff and fans of the Weave in our Pick 'Em Pool. It's free to enter and the winner will be compensated in alcohol (if you're 21+) or money, whatever you prefer, to go along with eternal bragging rights. To play, all you need is a valid Yahoo! ID (If you don't have one, make one. It'll take you roughly 45 seconds) so click here and enter the password "2manweave" (Group ID is 94134 in case you would like to text the invite to a friend). So sign up, spread the word, do your research and make your picks by Wednesday afternoon. And don't forget to take to the fan page to talk trash and discuss the games.

Good luck

-fresh (@danye33)

Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten- Biggie Smalls "I Got A Story To Tell"

2012-03-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

If you have any appreciation for rap music then clearly you haven't forgotten about B.I.G.'s I Got A Story To Tell. But on the fifteenth anniversary of Brooklyn's finest passing I felt it would only be appropriate to shine some light on one of my favorite tracks of his. This song showcases Biggie's incredible story telling skills, as he reminisces to his crew about a close call he had while fucking around with some chick behind her man's back. The "man" just happens to play for the New York Knicks, and for all intensive purposes I've always imagined the Knick in question was Charles Smith. No rhyme or reason as to why, but I've found that picturing him in the story makes the song 10x better. Also, nobody's got bedroom swag like Big Poppa- "My 112 CD blast, I was past. She came twice, I came last, roll the grass".

So whatever you end up doing this weekend, be sure to always stay far from timid, only make moves when your hearts in it, and live the phrase "Sky's the limit".

-fresh (@danye33)

"Black Face" Prank A Black Eye For MTV

2012-03-08T18:48:00.000-05:00

If there's one thing you need to know about me, it's that my not-so-guilty pleasure is The Real World Challenge. It's just the perfect combination of performance enhancing drugs, sexy ladies, alcohol fueled tirades and out of control hormones. This season they kicked things up a notch by pairing contestants up with ex lovers from seasons past, and just like that, the Battle of the Exes was born.

Exes has already brought us a ton of what-the-fuck moments (Camilla's exorcism anyone?) but nothing will ever top Emily's Black Face "joke" last night. I use the term "joke" very loosely here, considering not one person laughed and for a brief moment I didn't know whether or not Ty was going to cry to punch her in the face. The joke came after a mock wedding celebration for CT and Diem that saw the cast members get annihilated at a club, before taking cabs home to cook a late dinner and hook up. Ty (Emily's ex and current partner) had spent the better half of the two episodes making out and whispering sweet nothings into Paula's ear, so Emily and Camilla thought it would be a good idea to "dress up like Ty and Paula" and act like them throughout the house. Racism ensued.

They used chocolate for face paint and at one point Emily even questioned her decision ("Is this racist" she asked Cam before entering the hallway). But low and behold they went through with their prank and Emily strutted her way into the kitchen dressed in Ty's clothes, black face and speaking in a ridiculously offensive (and poorly executed) black dialect. Needless to say the other cast mates were speechless throughout the entire charade, and it took Emily about twenty minutes too long before realizing that what she had done was wrong.

A clearly hurt Ty handled the situation with the utmost class, which was especially surprising considering his track record of fighting in years past. He told the rest of the house that he was going home and even went as far as to pack his bags before being persuaded to "sleep on it" by Johnny Bananas. Eventually the storm was calmed and an emotional conversation took place between the two teammates, resulting in Ty's decision to stay.

Emily's antics were hurtful, ill-advised and should serve as an unfortunate reminder for how far we still have to go to cure the world completely of racism. For any adult to think that it would be okay to color your face brown to mimic a black person is the ultimate sign of ignorance. I don't think MTV was necessarily wrong for airing that incident in last nights episode, but I will never be able to look at Emily the same way again.

And you can bet your bottom dollar Ty won't either.

-fresh (@danye33)

An Objective Look At KONY 2012

2012-03-07T17:11:00.001-05:00

If you’ve had access to the Internet these past two days,chances are you’ve stumbled across some variation of the phrase KONY 2012. Basically KONY 2012 is a 29 minute film and campaignbrought to you by the not-for-profit group the “Invisible Children.” The goalof the video is to raise awareness about what is going on in Africa, specificallywith Joseph Kony and his Lord Resistance Army, who for the past twenty fiveyears have been pillaging villages, abducting children, forcing them to killtheir parents and fight for him as child soldiers. The KONY 2012 slogan isaimed to raise awareness and bring national attention to Joesph Kony, makinghim a household name so that all are aware of his evils.

But there are two sides to every story, and this particularone is no exception to that rule. The InvisibleChildren support direct military intervention, which is a slippery slope for afew reasons. One, their money (well, the money that they actually decide todonate. Last year only 32% of their funds went to direct services) supports theUgandan government’s Amry, who fights to stop the LRA. Only the Ugandan Armyhas to been known to do it’s fare share of raping and pillaging themselves, so supporting them could ultimately end up being counterproductive.

Now this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t support the KONY2012 movement, because I think at the very core their intentions are pure. It’sjust always important to look at everything with a critical eye, and not divehead first into a cause just because it has great production value and tugs atthe heart strings. Although America could certainly help out the situation inAfrica, any direct attack on the Lord Resistance Army would result in thedeaths of many children, since their army is made up primarily of childsoldiers, which is the complete opposite of the intended goal.

I think it's great that the evils of Joseph Kony have been brought to millions of peoples attention this past week. Let's just make sure we're on board with the exact plan of action before supporting this mission. Like I said, love the idea, question the execution, but at least people are aware, and that is a great first step towards a solution.

-fresh (@danye33)

Colts Set To Release Peyton Manning

2012-03-06T18:33:00.001-05:00

(ESPN) Peyton Manning's 14-year career as a member of the Indianapolis Colts is coming to an end. Sources close to the team told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen that the announcement will come at a press conference in Indianapolis on Wednesday. The decision to pass on the $28 million bonus owed Manning and not to pick up the four remaining years on his contract means Manning will become a free agent, and sources told Mortensen that he intends to continue to play.

So the Colts have decided to part ways with the face of their franchise, announcing today that they have no plans in ponying up the $28 million bonus that Peyton was owed. Emotionally, I'm sure this was a sticky situation for management, one that had been looming over their heads for the past couple of months ever since they secured the #1 overall pick in this years draft. Basically all this decision does is reiterate the fact that sports is a business, and at the end of the day loyalty takes a back seat. In any other year I'm not sure Peyton goes the way of old yeller, but with not one, but two, sure fire starters headlining this years draft class, why roll the dice with Manning's neck? And more importantly, why chance it with that noose of a contract bonus hanging around it?

As for #18, he leaves Indy as the leagues best regular season quarterback of all-time. For his sake, I hope he still has a couple of solid years left in the tank. I don't see any reason why a team like Miami, the Jets, Arizona or Washington wouldn't take a flyer on him. He's been a class act through and through and reports are saying that his throwing strength has improved dramatically. We will continue to monitor this situation thoroughly, but this just goes to show that one teams Luck, is another man's misfortune.

-fresh (@danye33)

New Wikileaks Docs Prove Bin Laden's Corpse Was Not Buried At Sea, Instead Moved On CIA Plane To US

2012-03-06T17:57:00.000-05:00

(RT) The body of Al-Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden was not buried atsea, according to leaked emails of intelligence firm Stratfor, as revealed byWikiLeaks. Stratfor’s vice-president forintelligence, Fred Burton, believes the body was “bound for Dover,[Delaware] on [a] CIA plane” andthen “onward to theArmed Forces Institute of Pathology in Bethesda [Maryland],” an email says.The officialversion is that the body of Al-Qaeda’s top man, who was killed by a US raid inPakistan on May 2, 2011, was buried at an undisclosed location at sea in aproper Muslim ceremony. WikiLeaks began publishing Stratfor emails in lateFebruary. The archive was obtained by the hacker group Anonymous, whichsuccessfully attacked one of the firm’s servers. More than 5 million emailswere apparently stolen. Stratfor is a US-based intelligence firm called the “shadowCIA” by some media. Among its clients are several US agencies and many bigcompanies. The company relies on paid tips from informants placed in highcircles of business, government and security all around the world.

Soapparently Osama Bin Laden’s mutilated corpse was not actually buried at sea asPresident Obama once claimed, but rather shipped back to the United States. Nowanyone who knows me knows I'm not Obama's greatest supporter. But I'm not even going to put Obama on blast becauseI believe he made the right call. Osama Bin Laden deserved the furthest thingfrom a proper burial. The guy was directly responsible for the deaths ofthousands of American citizens. I wish they would have taken him alive becausedeath was the easy way out for him. He didn't have to suffer like the familiesof the victims. They should have reopened Guantanamo Bay just for him. Waterboarding would seem like a god damn vacation by the time it was all said anddone.

But believe it or not there is arguably a bigger issue here thanwhat we should do with some piece of shit's worthless carcass; and that is thefact that all of this information was brought to light by hackers and Wikileaksin the first place. Let me start out with the hackers. This is why I'm NEVERmean to nerds anymore. Last thing I'm looking for is pimply faced, computer wizto gain access to all my finances, credit cards, or social security number justcause I cracked some joke about how uses the sword too much in Halo or hasn'tstopped pwning noobs on World of Warcraft in over 6 years. Would rather just benice, joke around with them, and have them on my side.

Finally moving onto Wikileaks itself. For those of you who don'tknow or don't care, Wikileaks is a not for profit media outlet run byAustralian internet activist Julian Assange. Assange makes his living leakingclassified documents that have normally been hacked or given to him bywhistleblowers. Normally I could give a fuck less about Australia. Honestly,can't even remember the last time I even thought about Australia until now. Perhapswhen Steve Irwin died? Anyways they pretty much have absolutely no bearing onworld affairs. But then you got Julian Assange just trying to put them on themap leaking classified (some top secret) documents for the whole world to see.Just publicizing and illustrating to the entire world all the corners theUnited States has cut to gain the military and intelligence edge it has today.Wtf Julian? I know you look like Bill Maher's evil twin brother but come on itsnot that bad. Ehh maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. Maybe he just needs to get outin the sun more. Looking like a human Casper ain’t gonna score you any pointseither. You wanna play the big time you can't look like an adult Draco Malfoyand expect to be taken seriously. Every time I see Assange I feel like a gameof Quidditch is eminent. Regardless U.S. needs to get this guy and itneeded to happen yesterday. Personally, I say we just seal team six his ass.What's Australia gonna do? Either way Obama needs to do something. If not forAmerica do it for yourself. Have some god damn self respect. Really gonna letsome fuckin Aussie basically show the whole world you’re a liar. ~~Bush~~ Cheney wouldhave locked him away in some secret detention center starved him for hours,waterboarded him, and then pissed on him.

For those of you who don't know politics all that well I'm gonnasimplify this all in a DirecTV commercial type analysis. When you make fun ofnerds they hack shit. When they hack shit they give it to albino Australians.When they give it to albino Australians, the albino leaks it. When the albinoleaks it everyone knows you’re a liar. When everyone knows your liar you donothing about it, you get one upped by GeorgeBush. Don’t get one upped by George Bush.

-Bacon

Bone Thugs-N-Harmony's "First Of The Month" Video Absolutely Oozes With 90's Sports Awesomeness

2012-03-05T17:03:00.001-05:00

The Midwest hip-hop group Bone Thugs-N-Harmony may hail from Cleveland, Ohio, but that didn't stop several other cities and franchises from getting shoutouts in their 1995 music video for their single "First of the Month." You can watch the video here, or simply scroll down below to admire some screen shots from this walk down 90's sports memory lane.

00:04- Easy E rocking a Raiders snap back...from inside of a crystal ball.

00:11- First sighting of this Georgetown Hoyas winter hat. Somewhere on campus, a young Kevin Braswell smiled.

00:37- Dude with afro (member of B T-N-H) is rocking a champion Mark Price Cavsjersey, standing up in the back seat of a moving convertible. Picture me rollin'!

00:57- It appears an impromptu card game has started up, featuring a large emblem White Soxfitted and Cleveland Indians t-shirt. You can almost feel the AL Central animosity in the (almost certainly) smoke filled air.

01:27- Kings / Yankees fans playing with a CrystalBall. I wonder if they saw that Dom Zimmer ass kicking coming? (Ed. Note- I know that joke sucked, but I felt like a Cory Lidle reference would have been in poor taste)

01:45- Georgetown hat spontaneously self-combusts. Oddly enough, this was a recurring theme throughout the video.

03:48- Mark Price’s verse/time to shine. Besides the obscurity of the player, I can't get over the fact that dude rocked a Champion jersey in a music video. Fuck Mitchell & Ness, homie's got replica swag for days!

-fresh (@danye33)

The Fresh Prince In Paris

2012-03-05T10:50:00.000-05:00

Every now and then a Youtube/World Star video comes along that makes Monday mornings worth living for, and this ladies and gentlemen is one of those videos. Had me hook line and sinker the second I saw Will and Carlton playing patty cake in front of the Eiffel Tower at the 20 second mark. Ball so hard indeed.

-fresh (@danye33)

h/t to Garen for the video

"Remember The Titans" Is Your Winner Of The 2MW's Best Sports Movie Ever Contest

2012-03-02T16:04:00.002-05:00

And so here weare...it’s been a long hard journey, kind of like when you wake up with morningwood and have to go to the bathroom but your whole family is standing near thebathroom you want to use, but finally I can proudly say that this littleexperiment has a ~~wiener~~ winner. RememberThe Titans is the winner of 2Man Weave Best Sports Movie Ever poll, claiming 32% of the votes in the finalround. The Sandlot finishedsecond with 24% and Rocky IV placed third claiming 19% of thevotes. Remember The Titanshaseverything a great sports movie needs. A volatile background, an us against theworld attitude (it helps that its semi true), then tragedy strikes, and out ofthat tragedy the team as a whole comes together and triumphs in the end. PlusDenzel is a bad motha. From now on Rememberthe Titans will go down inhistory as the Best Sports Movie Ever. The 2 Man Weave fans have spoken(clicked).

We learned a lot in these past couple weeks. We learned that no matter the critical acclaim a film has it
stands no chance against a film with nostalgia on its side. Welearned that it’s very tough to compare films across the spectrum of sports. Wealso learned that there was no way to please everybody so if your movie didn’twin or get nominated...LAY OFF ME I’M STARVING... ok I’m glad I got that out of my system.

But lastly I learnedthat none of this would have been possible without the help of Fresh forletting me clog up the weave with long ass articles that I made him editbecause I suck at grammar. Also I’d like to thank the fans because without youthis little contest wouldn’t have existed, and mostly I did it for you thereaders cause now when your arguing with your friends that Rudy is better than Miracle,you can say nah fuck that REMBER THE MOTHA FUCKIN TITANS SON, and then your 10year old cousin will probably start crying and run away to tell on you that youyelled at him.

LOVE PEACE AND CHICKEN GREASE.

-Getting Miggy Wit It

(Ed. Note- Before you reach for hate, remember the titans!)

BSM Archive- football, basketball, baseball, hockey, boxing, other sports, finals

2012 MLB Power Rankings (Part 3)

2012-03-02T15:33:00.000-05:00

Josh Hamilton thinks the Rangers will be #1, but does Palaz agree?

10. St. Louis Cardinals- The Cardinals made an improbable run to their 11thWorld Series title last season. But the celebration was short-lived seeing as they lost the best hitter in baseball, Albert Pujols, to the Angels just a month later. Even with his loss, the Cardinals still have an offensethat can put runs on the board. Adding Carlos Beltran will help fill Winnie-the-Pujos void, althoughnobody will ever truly fill that void, and allow Lance Berkman to play first, improving their defense instantly. The Cardinals will also have one of the bestpitchers in the league coming back in 2012, Adam Wainwright. With him back, hegives the Cardinals a formidable trio atop their rotation. While the bullpen had ashaky start in 2011, once Jason Motte became the full time closer things seemed tosettle down and stabilize. Ultimately, I feel the loss of Albert Pujolsalong with long time coaches Tony La Russa and Dave Duncan will hinder theCardinals and may cause them to come up just short of the playoffs.

9. Atlanta Braves- Tommy Hanson, Jair Jurrjens, and Brandon Beachy headlinea pitching staff loaded with young talent, to go along with veteran Tim Hudson. Thesame can be said for the Braves bullpen. Rookie of the year winner, closer CraigKimbrel, and set-up man Jonny Venters are just a couple of the young guns thatopposing offenses will have to deal with. With these two forces, scoring runs on theBraves will be a daunting task for offenses in 2012. The problem for the Braves willbe getting offense on a consistent basis. Dan Uggla was playing terrible until thelatter part of the season when he began a 33 game hit streak that raised his BA .58points and added 15 homers and 32 RBI’s to his season totals. Other questions like "Will Jayson Heyward rebound from his sophomore slump?" and "Will Tyler Pastornickybe able replace the bat of Alex Gonzalez sufficiently?" remains to be seen. Ultimately, Isee Jayson Heyward coming back strong this season and providing enough run support for the Braves to be successful.

8. Cincinnati Reds- The Reds proved that their offense is legit, scoring up withthe best of the majors in back to back seasons. Joey Votto, Jay Bruce, and BrandonPhillips have been the catalysts of this potent lineup and although the Reds strugglein the batting average department, they do a great jobgetting on base. Acquiring Mat Latos will provide a much-needed boost to the Redspitching staff that struggled last season. Latos gives the team a solid trio atop therotation including Johnny Cueto and Mike Leake. The Reds also were able to replaceFrancisco Cordero with Ryan Madson who had a breakout season as the full-timecloser in Philly. I like the Reds a lot this season, if Aroldis can join the clubas a starter and become a mainstay in the rotation than the Reds may be competingfor the championship come October.

7. Boston Red Sox- The Red Sox were the clear favorites heading into the 2011season to win the championship after signing sluggers Carl Crawford and AdrianGonzalez. However a storybook season seemed to elude the club who appeared togive up at the end of the season, blowing a 9 game Wild Card lead in late September. After an offseason of turmoil that resulted in the firing ofskipper Terry Francona, the Red Sox look to right the ship in 2012 under new coachBobby Valentine. The Sox still present one of the scariest offenses in the league withEllsbury, Pedroia, and Gonzalez leading the way. If Carl Crawford can return to formthis year, the Sox will get even scarier, if that’s even possible. The problem for the Sox wasthe backend of the rotation. John Lackey and Tim Wakefield were simply deplorableand once Clay Bucholz went down, Andrew Miller joined them. Last year, the Soxbullpen was dominant, sans September, but losing Papelbon to Philly, alongwith Daniel Bard probably headed to the starting rotation leaves the Sox without the dominant finishing power of last year. Andrew Bailey will help mitigate their losses but I don’tknow if their pitching staff compares to that of division rivals New York and Tampa Bay.The Red Sox offense can certainly score with anyone but will their pitching hold upagainst playoff caliber offenses?

6. Detroit Tigers- With the second biggest signing this offseason, the Tigerspulled in slugger Prince Fielder for a mere 214 million. Losing Victor Martinezfor the season, Prince will certainly help fill that void and then some. With MiguelCabrera already in place, this gives the Tigers the best 3-4 combination in theleague. Delmon Young, Alex Avila, and Jhonny Peralta round off a deep lineup. Thequestion will be if Austin Jackson can be a table setter atop the lineup for Cabreraand Fielder to drive in. Another issue that came with the signing of Fielder, is that Cabrera now moves to third, forcing Jhonny Peralta to cover a lot of ground onthe right side. That combined with Delmon Young in left and the Tigers face some serious issues on D thisseason. Last year's CY Young and MVP winner , Justin Verlander, hopes to return to dominance without skipping a beat. The best late season move last year was the acquisition of Doug Fisterwho posted an 8-1 mark with a 1.79 ERA, if he is able to duplicate anything close tothat the Tigers will have a great front end of the rotation. Last season, Jose Valverdeconverted 49 of 49 save opportunities, throw in new vets Octavio Dotel andJoaquin Benoit, the Tigers have an exceptional bullpen. Look for the Tigers to takethe central and with an ace like Verlander, maybe even the World Series.

5. Los Angeles Angels- Prior to 2011, LA was all about the Dodgers. Now, withthe biggest free agent signing in recent memory with Albert Pujols, along with C.J.Wilson, the Angeles appear to have stolen the spotlight. C.J. Wilson gives the Angelesone of, if not the best quartet of pitchers in baseball combined with Weaver, Haren,and Santana. Needless to say, adding Albert Pujols instantly makes your offensebetter not only because of what he brings, but Albert is so good he’ll make otherhitters better with his presence alone. However, the big free agent signings didn’tcover some glaring holes for the Angels. For starters, the latter part of the order isweak to put it nicely. Between Iannetta, Vernon Wells, and Peter Bourjos the Angelswill struggle once you get past the heart of the lineup. With luck, Vernon Wellswill improve his .218 BA. The bullpen was nothing towrite home about either, Jordan Walden blew way too many leads in the 9th to beconsidered a legit closer and other than Scott Downs there is nobody to fear. I don’tthink Pujols and Wilson will make up for the lack of depth in their pen and lineup. Look for an early playoff exit from the Halo's.

4. Philadelphia Phillies- Along with the Red Sox, the Phillies were predictedto make the World Series last year with the acquisition of Cliff Lee, who joined Roy Halladay,Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt to form a fantastic four in Philly. The Phillies blew it in the post season to the eventualchampion Cardinals. Adding insult to injury, Ryan Howard made the last out ofGame 5, rupturing his Achilles on the play that will force him to miss some, if notall of the 2012 season. Also, Roy Oswalt doesn't look like he’ll be returning, leavinga hole at the backend of the rotation. Still having said that, the Phillies have thebest trio of pitchers in all of baseball. The Phillies did sign Jonathan Papelbon, whoseemed to regain his fastball and thus his dominance as a closer last season. Witha healthy Chase Utley, the Phillies O will not struggle scoring runs. Combine that withthe three-headed monster of Halladay-Lee-Hamels, the Phillies will again be a teamto be reckoned with in the playoffs, especially if Howard comes back healthy.

3. Tampa Bay Rays- The Rays barely squeaked into the playoffs after beating the Red Sox to win the Wild Card on the last game of the season. Unfortunately,the end result wasn’t what they would have liked, however this season looks promising.Led by David Price and James Shields, the Rays unquestionably have the best 5-manrotation in all of baseball. Throw in one of the deepest bullpens and theRays will give their opponents offense nightmares. As good as their pitching waslast season, their hitting struggled ranking 25th in batting average and 15th in runsscored. The big reason why I have them so high is their additions of Luke Scott andbringing back Carlos Pena gives them added power. These moves could pushthem over the top. Also, Carlos Pena and Jose Molina improve a defense that wasalready one of the best in the league. A little prediction, with all their pitching depthI expect the Rays to move Jeff Niemann to give them another needed bat atsome point during the spring. All in all I expect the Rays to be serious contendersfor the title this season.

No more Jorge, but Mo, A-Rod and the captain remain

2. New York Yankees- The Yankees made their usual big offseason splashtrading talented young catcher Jesus Montero for another young talent, gunslingerMichael Pineda. Almost simultaneously they added Hiroki Kuroda, and changingthe Yankees rotation overnight, giving them one of the best in the league. Combinethat with the likes of Dave Robertson and Rafael Soriano bridging the gap toMariano Rivera, the Yanks boast a very good pitching staff. As usual the Yankeesoffense was a catalyst during the regular season and brief run in the post season.Curtis Granderson and Robinson Cano were two MVP candidates that carried theoffense. Mark Teixeira posted the usual power numbers but struggled with hisaverage, which I can’t see him doing again. The two big questions are, can DerekJeter continue to defy his age and will Alex Rodriguez, post Kobe surgery, be able toreturn and perform to the level that he is capable of? If they can, the Yankees will bea tough team to beat throughout the year.

1. Texas Rangers- In my eyes, the best offense top-to-bottom goes to the TexasRangers. Leading off with Ian Kinsler and Josh Hamilton and trickling down toNelson Cruz and Mike Napoli, pitchers will have one batter that they can pitchagainst with some level of comfort, that being Mitch Moreland. The Rangersreplaced C.J. Wilson, who they lost to division rival Los Angeles, with the youngJapanese phenom Yu Darvish. Darvish will join converted closer Neftali Feliz, ColbyLewis, and company in an attempt to bring them back to the promise land andhopefully change the outcome. The Rangers will replace Feliz, with long time closerJoe Nathan who suffered from elbow problems last season. Along with that, AlexiOgando will head back to the pen that, along with Mike Adams, will set up Nathanthis season. All together I foresee the Rangers making an unprecedented third tripto the World Series and finally taking home the title.

-Palaz

Joe is the 2 man weave's baseball aficionado

The Dunk Heard Round The County Center

2012-03-02T12:00:00.001-05:00

Wednesday afternoon the DobbsFerry Eagles squared off against the Blind Brook Trojans in the Section 1,Class B, semi-finals at the County Center in White Plains, New York.Dobbs Ferry walked away with a 64-38 victory, earning a second consecutivechance at the coveted “Gold Ball”. However, it was two quick, highlyquestionable decisions by the referee, that changed Eagles fans demeanor fromtriumph to outrage.

Midway through Dobbs Ferry’s epic thirdquarter run that essentially blew the lid off the game, sophomore EricPaschall caught a pass from Thomas Fleming and proceeded dunk the ball with twohands. Now anyone who has seen Dobbs play in person this year, something I’vebeen lucky enough to witness a few times, knows that Paschall dunks are a regular occurrence. The 6’4 sophomore slams with collegiate-like ease, early and oftenthroughout contests. This particular jam (which can be seen at the 2:50 markhere)seemed like any other dunk from a season filled with many, that is until one ofthe referees blew his whistle and inexplicably T’d up Paschall for what one canonly assume was “show boating”.

The arena erupted with boos, as abewildered Eric Paschall stood at center court with his jaw dropped, an imagethat represented the crowd's disbelief perfectly. As the game progressed, itbecame more and more apparent that Dobbs Ferry, the #1 Class B team in thecounty, was going to cruise to victory, and you could sense the tension in the gymeasing up (after all, there was a time in this game when Blind Brook trailed byas little as one point in the second half). A trio of third quarter 3s from senior Eddie Ritch had helped to expandthe lead to a more than comfortable margin. All seemed right for Dobbs Ferry,until a Paschall “And 1” midway through the fourth that resulted in a secondtechnical foul, and an immediate ejection from the game. It was unclear what was said after the basket,Paschall claims he just said “And one”, while the referee claims he heardprofanity, but by that point the he said/she said game was irrelevant. Thedamage had been done, a star wrongfully ejected on the county’s biggest stage.

Losing Eric for those final fewminutes wouldn’t prove to be detrimental. Victory had long been clinched, anddespite a few potential garbage time dunks the fans weren’t really robbed ofmuch. No one seemed too bothered by it. Their boys had earned a second shot ata sectional title, their dream was still in reach. Then slowly but surely, buzzstarted spreading around the duel-leveled gym like wildfire that Section 1rules prohibit a player from participating in his team's next contest if he getsejected in the game prior, meaning that the Eagles would be without theirleading scorer when they face off against Albertus Magnus on Saturdayafternoon in a rematch of the 2011 Class B championship game.

I don’t know how you could sleepwith yourself at night knowing that the you’re the sole reason that a fifteenor sixteen year old won’t be able to get out there and achieve their dream.Yes, vulgar language is unacceptable, but from personal experience I can tellyou that referees pick and chose their battles and that on any given possessionyou can hear an exploitative being muttered from a player’s mouth. Did the ref have it out for Eric all along? The dunk T was unforgivable,but he had a chance to make up for his mistake by letting the second T go.Surely he knew the rules, I mean after all, it is his job. He was well aware ofthe consequences that whistle would bring.

Comparatively, if MountVernon players were given technical fouls every time they preformed dunksidentical to Paschall’s, they would have to forfeit all of their games by halftime. So why was Eric T'd up for his? Was it because his dunk was the only one of the game, and the ref wanted to make it clear that they're the real center of attention? There is simply no defending that call (if you didn’t click the link thefirst time, DO IT NOW, just prepare yourself to be enraged) no matter how you slice it.

Athletically, Eric was a cut abovethe competition Wednesday night. In a game that was played below the rim, hesoared above it, and subsequently, was penalized for doing so. The refs didn’tdo anyone justice by calling that technical after the dunk. It was a clean, competitivegame with no cheap shots. If I had pulled off a play like that in high school,you would have seen me doing cartwheels the entire way back on defense, yetEric hardly broke a smile. Just another day in the office for him.

Hopefully fans will be able to see himplay and dunk like that again this season. It’s just a shame that for that to happen, it would mean that he missed out on the chance to share in a moment of championship glory withhis teammates, a goal they have been working hard towards together for the pastyear.

Talk about a call you can never take back.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dobbs Ferry and Albertus Magnus will play for the Class B Section 1 title at 5 pm on Saturday, at the Country Center.

Weave Gotcha Covered- Dynamite Hack "Boyz In The Hood"

2012-03-01T13:26:00.002-05:00

Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a (fairly) new music feature we've been putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers. Thisinstallment features Dynamite Hack covering Eazy E’s “Boyz N The Hood”, and I’vegot to admit, I’m pissed it took me until the third edition of WGC to give thissong its due diligence. This may very well be the best cover of all time. Exactsame lyrics as Eazy uses, yet the songs could not sound anymore different ifthey tried. I’ll never forgot listening to this song in fifth grade at buddyKevin’s house and loving the part of the song that went “greeted with a 40 and I start drinkin', And from the 8-ball my breath startstinkin', I gotta get my girl to rockthat body, Before I left I hit the Bacardi.” I literally had no idea what a 40, 8-ball or Bacardi were,but it didn’t matter, that song resonated with us all. This rendition of Boyz In The Hood is the best white-acoustic-gangsterrap performance ever. There is no close second.

-fresh(@danye33)

Pete Walsh's Hip-Hop State of The Union Address

2012-02-29T08:00:00.000-05:00

After reading my friend, and fellow 2 Man Weave co-founder, Peter Walsh's article yesterday on Red Cafe and the state of "teams" in hip-hop for SLAM Online, I couldn't help but come up with some questions for the rap guru to bring us up to speed on the forever changing rap game. The following interview took place over a series of e-mails.

How would you rank the crews in hip hop right now?

Pete: As far as ranking crews, it's almost a moot point right now. There are no traditional "crews" that we're prevalent during the early '00s (DipSet, G-Unit, etc...) So it's almost impossible to develop some sort of ranking system. Plus, beef is more or less dead (think about it, the biggest 'beef' this year has been Drake / Common, which most likely ended in a pillow fight) so most artists are working together, which is both good and bad. Good because it creates interesting dynamics and fusion of sounds, bad because it has ended competition. When Jay and Nas were battling, it created a serious debate about who the "King of New York" is. Today, all rappers are scared to take that position and fight for it, well, except Papoose. (Wrote this shit a while ago touching on all that.)

Actually, now that I'm thinking about it MMG (Ross, Wale, Meek Millz) probably have the strongest crew right now. Can't believe the jump Ross has made, if you told me he would be this big after "Hustlin'" I would have never believed it. But, he has the game in a headlock right now and it's because of his consistency. Dude is the only rapper to survive a 50 Cent beef and it actually propelled his career. He is proven fraud, but all of that gets swept under the rug because he makes solid music.

What about Kanye West and the guys over at G.O.O.D. Music, any chance that they make a run for the top?

Pete: G.O.O.D. music will never hold that spot cuz Kanye would never let anyone (Pusha T) be better than him, something he undoubtedly learned from Hov. Look at the early Roc-a-Fella days, so many talented artists who just faded into obscurity.

Can Young Money be taken seriously?

Pete: Depends on your variation of serious. Drake / Nicki / Lil Wayne have all gone platinum over the last year, so as far as reach and appeal, absolutely. Nicki is about to make that leap to full fledged pop star a la Katy Perry / Madonna / etc... which will only strengthen their appeal. Musically, I don't really mess with them but they have arguably the three biggest stars in music today so they're not going away anytime soon.

What are some of the up and coming, non-mainstream crews you've been listening to lately?

Pete: Crews out there that aren't necessarily mainstream that I am a fan of are the ASAP crew and the Black Hippy movement. ASAP is riding strong with ASAP Rocky who is their current solo act. Their visuals are awesome and the mixtape they came out with last October still gets knocked on the regular. They got a million dollar plus deal just on the strength of those two music videos. Dudes are from Harlem so they definitely have that brash style in the same vein as the Dips, will definitely be hearing a lot from them over the next year.

Black Hippy are 4 dudes from L.A. who can all spit. It's Kendrick Lamar, Schoolboy Q, Ab-Soul and Jay Rock. Kendrick has been making a lot of noise over the last year--and for good reason, dude can really rap. Schoolboy Q is good too, a lot more hardcore and fucks heavily with ASAP. Expect to hear a lot from them as well.

I'm really fucking with this dude Action Bronson. Just peep his debut "Dr. Lecter" and all his youtube videos--guy is insane and can rap his ass off.

With the advancement of the internet it's become easier to make a name for yourself and build a fan base all on your own. Do you think that being "independent" as a young rapper is the move these days?

Pete: Independent is definitely the way to go. All rappers should follow the Wiz Khalifa / Mac Miller model. Build your fan base, drop solid releases, tour endlessly and then when you're about to peak, sign to a major and get paid. I don't know why anyone would do it differently.

Follow Pete on Twitter (@goinginsquad)

-fresh (@danye33)

Looks Like Sweetney Found His Sweet-Tooth

2012-02-28T12:40:00.000-05:00

While other power forwards from the 2003 NBA draft such as David West,Kendrick Perkins and Nick Collison are gearing up for playoff runs, Mike Sweetney,a one-time All American from the University of Georgetown, has been putting hiscar in gear for the drive thru. Sweetney, the #9 pick in the famed “LeBron draft” , never panned out inthe NBA, last appearing in a game in 2006. But now it appears he’s back and ~~better~~ bigger than ever. The 6’8 "round, mound of refills" signed a dealin January with the Vaqueros de Bayamon of the BSN, Puerto Rico’s basketballleague. This happens to be the very same league that Robert “Tractor” Traylorplayed in before dying from a heart attack last May.

I hate to state the obvious comparison here, but if Mike doesn’t switch uphis eating habits/workout regime, he could potentially face the same fate thattook another former lottery busts life. As a Georgetown fan, and more importantly a basketball fan, I hope the big guy can pull it together before it's too late.

-fresh (@danye33)

(Via The Washington Post via Three Idiots on Sports via The Big Lead)

Don't Forget To Vote For The Best Sports Movie Ever!

2012-02-27T11:58:00.000-05:00

What are you waiting for?!! Go vote for the Best Sports Movie of All-Time over on the 2 Man Weave's Facebook fan page. Polls close at 5 pm on Thursday, March 1st.

The Nominees are Rocky IV, The Sandlot, D2: The Mighty Ducks Are Back, Remember The ~~Tight Ones~~ Titans, Space Jam and Happy Gilmore.

Thanks!

Vince Carter At The 2000 Dunk Contest Taking You Into The Weekend

2012-02-24T16:58:00.000-05:00

Sure there have been other performances at the Slam Dunk contest that were arguably more impressive than when Vinsanity tore the roof off the building in Golden State, but I'll never forget the feeling I got watching that particular one as an 11 year old in my family's living room. First time I ever saw a man fly.

Jimmy Fallon Signs "Jeremy (Lin)" As Eddie Vedder

2012-02-24T12:11:00.002-05:00

Jimmy Fallon has been bringing the heat on stage for years now. I remember back in 2001 when I saw him open up for Blink-182 at Jones Beach and he absolutely killed with his comedy songs. He did this amazing troll rendition where he would just sign classic songs but make the lyrics about this Troll doll that he had on stage with him. Also loved his 80's Medley and the History of Rap with JT, so basically nothing he does surprises me in terms of recognizing his talent.

But with that being said, the dude was spot on Vedder right there. The look, the darkness, the tone just everything executed to perfection. Lyrics may have been "ehh", but you certainly can't knock the hustle. Especially loved the line about turning down Kim Kardashian. Solid stuff right here.

-fresh (@danye33)

2012 MLB Power Rankings (Part 2)

2012-02-23T15:51:00.000-05:00

In case you missed Part 1 of The 2 Man Weave's MLB Power Ranking, click here

20. Pittsburgh Pirates- The Pirates were one of the all-around worst teamsstatistically last season, but with young talents scattered throughout their lineup, thepotential is certainly there for the Pirates offense to become a viable threat in 2012. Thus farthey haven’t been able to put it together but the experience is starting to accumulatefor players like Jose Tabata and Andrew McCutchen, who enter their 3rd and 4th years respectively. With a solid bullpen and All-Star closer, Joel Hanrahan, thePirates starting five could be the key their success this season. Adding Erik Bedard thisoffseason could prove valuable if he is able to stay healthy and he gives them a goodstarting lefty to replace Paul Maholm. If James MacDonald and Charlie Morton canimprove their ERA at the top of the rotation, the Pirates would offer a competitivestarting five and a team that could surprise people this season.

19. Los Angeles Dodgers- The Dodger's head into the 2012 campaign owner-less, but not all is bad in the city of angels. They possess two of the best young talents in the league in Clayton Kershaw and MattKemp. The Dodgers struggled getting runners across the plate last season and didn’tget Kemp any help this offseason. They’ll look to rely heavily on veterans JamesLoney and Andre Ethier to provide protection for their franchise slugger. Fortunately, the Dodgerspitching staff, led by CY Young winner Clayton Kershaw, dominated, ranking in theupper echelon of all the significant pitching categories. By replacing Hiroki Kuroda withAaron Harang and adding Chris Capuano, the Dodgers will have a well-roundedrotation in 2012. One question mark will be Kenley Jansen and his ability to be thefull time closer. Having said all that, I don’t see Matt Kemp and Clayton Kershawputting up those kinds of ridiculous numbers again, and I don’t see the Dodgersmaking much noise this upcoming season, unless new ownership can make somemoves, which has yet to be seen.

18. Kansas City Royals- Well, I must say I always thought of KC as a minorleague team playing in the majors, but not anymore. Finally, the Royals appear readyto ascend from the bottom of the Central, possessing youthful talent all over thefield. Particularly, the corner infielders Eric Hosmer and Mike Moustakas, appearto be the next big names to come out of the Royals farm system. With their talentsalong with Billy Butler and Alex Gordon, the Royals will have a surprisingly goodlineup this season. Another strength of the team will be its defensive prowess,especially up the middle of the field from catcher Salvador Perez, to middleinfielders Alcides Escobar and Johnny Giavotella, and center fielder Lorenzo Cain.The pitching staff got a big boost with the additions of Jonathan Sanchez andJonathan Broxton. Lengthening the depth of their rotation to 3 viable starters alongwith Broxton in the 8th and Soria in the 9th the Royals will put out the best teamthey’ve had in quite some time. Ultimately, the question of will the Royals be able tokeep this team in tact, and if that happens their return to prominence could onlybe a few short years away.

17. Cleveland Indians- The Indians were a surprise in 2011, remainingcompetitive through much off the season. Adding Ubaldo Jimenez mid season reallyshowed the teams desire to win, although they ultimately came up short. Enteringinto 2012, the key concern for the Indians is health. Grady Sizemore and Shin-SooChoo missed significant time last season coupled with injury prone Travis Hafner,they are the three keys to the Indians success. Also, I’m not completely sold on AsdrubalCabrera who blew up last season with his power numbers. If he can prove that last seasonwasn’t a fluke and the rest of the lineup can remain healthy their offense will bedangerous. The Indians acquired Derek Lowe from the Braves this offseason, givingthe Indians a solid trio with Jimenez and Masterson. With a shaky bullpen, DanWheeler should help but they still could use another arm in the pen. Ultimately, theIndians health will determine the success of their season.

16. Milwaukee Brewers- No more Prince Fielder. On top of that, Ryan Braunis suspended for the first 50 games. The Brewers will have a big void in the middleof that lineup until the beginning of June. Until then, they’ll have to rely heavilyon Rickie Weeks, Corey Hart, and free agent addition Aramis Ramirez to fill thoseshoes. The losses won’t just affect the offense, with the likelihood of reduced runsupport will add pressure on the pitchers that could affect their performance.Yovani Gallardo, Zack Greinke, and Shaun Marcum will have to duplicate lastyear’s success to keep the team afloat while Braun serves out his suspension. If thepitching can keep this team alive until Braun returns than look for the Brewers toput up a fight in the NL Central.

15. Miami Marlins- The theme this year for the Marlins is new. They enter this season with a new name, new logo, new stadium, new coach, and most importantly newbudget, which they were not shy in showing off. The Marlins were big players thisoffseason adding brand named players Jose Reyes, Mark Buehrle, Heath Bell andCarlos Zambrano. Coach Ozzie Guillen has certainly stepped into a nice situation.With these additions and young talents like Josh Johnson, Mike Stanton, and HanleyRamirez already in place, the Marlins appear to have a bright future. If Han Ramand Jose are able to stay healthy and consistently get on base, Mike Stanton andGaby Sanchez will have big years driving those two in. The Marlins have one of thebest pitchers in all of baseball in Josh Johnson, adding innings-eater Mark Buehrlewill help a weak bullpen stay fresh. Not to mention if Carlos Zambrano doesn’t gobat-shit-crazy and can pitch to even half of his ability, the Marlins will have a veryrespectable starting five. Unfortunately their bullpen is shaky and losing Leo Nunez will hurt.First year with a whole new team, chemistry could be a concern but the Marlins willcertainly be a force to be reckoned with in the always competitive NL East.

14. San Francisco Giants- The Giants offense was anemic last season whiletheir pitching reigned supreme. Top to bottom, the Giants possess the best startingrotation/bullpen combination in the league. Tim Lincecum and Matt Cain are the twoaces at the top, to go along with Madison Bumgarner and Ryan Vogelslong.Don’t worry, once you get through the starters you only have to deal with SergioRomo and “The Beard”, both of whom are lights out.

From one end of the spectrumto the other, enter the Giants offense. Last season, Pablo Sandoval had a bounceback year however with Aubrey Huff slumping and Buster Posey sidelined withthe broken fibula, the Giants drove in an NL worst 570 runs, becomingonly the second team to score less than 600 runs and post a winning record. HavingBuster Posey back will help and if Aubrey Huff can return to form, the Giants will becontenders in the National League.

13. Toronto Blue Jays- The Blue Jays have arguably the most feared hitter inthe game today in Jose Bautista. While the team was able to drive in plenty of runs,their lineup struggled getting on base consistently. The key this year will be if AdamLind and company can provide protection for Jose Bautista, and if so, the Jays offense will bea major catalyst for them to play in October. On the other side, Ricky Romero is theclear ace in the rotation. After him, flamethrower Brandon Morrow has top stuff materialbut lacks the command necessary to be a star, and newcomer Henderson Alvarezhas great command of his pitches but lacks blow away velocity and has a shakyslider. They revamped their bullpen this offseason adding Darren Oliver, Sergio Santos,Jason Frasor, and Francisco Cordero, and it appears the Jays have turned last seasons weaknessinto this years strength. At the end of the day, the AL East may be toomuch to overcome for the Jays, but they have the potential to make some noise thisseason.

12. Washington Nationals- Well, the fans in Washington haven’t had muchto talk about sports wise outside of the Capitals in recent years so the you only imagine the buzz that's brewing in the capital city. Adding Gio Gonzalez and Edwin Jackson, along with a full season from StephenStrasburg, will have the Nats rotation completely revamped. Throw in JordanZimmerman and you can now see the Nationals being able to match up with divisionrivals Atlanta and Philadelphia in the pitching department. The question will becan Ryan Zimmerman and Adam LaRoche stay healthy. You can count on JaysonWerth bouncing back this season, he is simply too good to play that bad again. Also, it willbe interesting to see if Bryce Harper will make the team or be called up later in theseason. Despite all these questions, I feel a big season coming out of the Nationals.

11. Arizona Diamondbacks- Kirk Gibson had the D-backs pull a 180 lastseason going from worst to first in just one season. A big part of their turnaroundderived from breakout pitcher Ian Kennedy who recorded 21 wins, tied for firstin the NL. Accompanying Kennedy, new addition Trevor Cahill along with DanielHudson give the Diamondbacks a trio to be feared. Complimenting themon the other side, their offense is explosive. With players like Justin Upton, Miguel,Montero, and Chris Young providing the power, the key will be Stephen Drew’shealth as well as Aaron Hill returning to form. Jason Kubel was a nice pick up and it would appear that the D-backsoffense will be dangerous again. The D-backs fortified their bullpen addingCraig Breslow and Takashi Saito giving them a solid bridge to closer J.J. Putz. Lookfor Arizona to take the NL West again this season, and with some playoff experience under their belt already, theywill certainly have the ability to make another run at the title this year.

-Palaz

Joe is the 2 man weave's baseball aficionado

AI's Crossover Has Nothing On This Chick

2012-02-23T14:00:00.000-05:00

Thatbehind the back dribble, resulting in not two, but four, broken ankles, waspulled off by Chloe Rothman, a freshman point guard for Merrimack College. Ihaven’t seen a girl hit hardwood like that since Chris Brown threw Rihanna outof his car!

-Col. Mustard

I Want This George Washington Chicken McNugget So Bad I Can Taste It

2012-02-23T13:42:00.001-05:00

(DMR) A Nebraska woman is auctioning a McDonald’s Chicken McNugget that she believes resembles President George Washington. Rebekah Speights, of Dakota City, Neb., is selling the presidential McNugget on eBay to raise money for a church summer camp.A check of eBay on Wednesday shows one bid for $100. The auction ends next week. Speights says the Nugget almost became a snack during a visit to a Sioux City McDonald’s three years ago. Her children didn’t eat the chicken and she was about to toss it when she saw Washington’s resemblance. Speights stashed the McNugget in her freezer. Now says she’s selling it to raise money for the Sioux City Family Worship Center.

Hate all you want but I actually love this move for two reasons.One, I gave up fast food for 2012. That’s right, no Ronald, Wendy, The King orwhatever mascot Taco Bell is using these days (possibly the Chihuahua?) for anentire calendar year. This, coming from a guy who at one point was known for routinelystarting stories with “So this one time I was at Wendy’s right-“. It’s been a successfulendeavor so far, but the thought of that frostbitten, G Dub nugget, did leave me temporarily salivating.

Another thing- she froze this puppy for three years beforebringing it to auction this week, and as crazy as that sounds, I can level withRebekah on that too. Because when my sister and I were young we used to do thesame shit with super crazy long French fries from McDonald’s. We used to putthem in a cup of water and then freeze those suckers. No real reason why either, and I have no idea what happened to them after the fact. I’m sure my parents would just waituntil we went to sleep and them throw them out. I actually just opened up about the fact that I used to do thislast weekend to my girlfriend and now this story comes along and smacks realityback into my face. Only difference between us is that I was a six year old childthat didn’t know any better and she’s a grown ass woman freezing 1/4^thof her happy meal.

You have seven days left to bid on this American treasure, and it's currently going for the outrageous price $202.50. We will continue to monitor this item for you.

**UPDATE 2:28 pm** the nugget is up to $356.00

-fresh (@danye33)

Happy (Would Be) Fiftieth Birthday To The Crocodile Hunter

2012-02-22T16:46:00.000-05:00

Today marks the 50^th birthday of naturalist, zoologist, and TV personality Steve Irwin. I’m sure you can recall the media frenzy in early September of 2006 when it was reported that he was stabbed in the heart by a vigilante sting ray while filming the documentary Ocean’s Deadliest. Could you think of another way for one of the most bad ass dudes of all time to go out? Fuck no, you can’t. That’s why I’d just like to take a moment to share with you this song by one of my favorite bands, The Wonder Years, done in tribute to the late, great Crocodile Hunter. Even if you don’t like pop-punk, it’s worth a listen. I gotta go buy a 40 to pour out. CRIKEY!

P.S. Fuck sting rays.

-G Funk

IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!! To Crown The Best Sports Movie Ever

2012-02-22T15:38:00.001-05:00

Alright guys, you've stuck with us through six polls but we need your help for one more! This is what it all comes down to. This is why we play the game (watch the movie). As Harry from Home Alone would say- "It's the silver tuna". Below we have the winners from our basketball, football, hockey, boxing, baseball and "other sports" polls, so go get reacquainted with the nominees and help us determine once and for all, what is the Best Sports Movie ever.

As always, go VOTE for the Best Sports Movie ever on the 2 Man Weave's Facebook fan page.

The Sandlot

This movie is everything right and beautiful about the game of baseball. The childhood experience is perfectly embodied as these kids lose themselves in a game without a care in the world. It’s an example of how simple life used to be. We didn’t care about cell phones, facebook status or what celebrity showed their cooch getting out of their BMW. It was simple and it simply was BASEBALL. Everybody had those days growing up where no matter what you were playing, you’d go out as soon as you woke up and before you know it was getting dark and you had to be home because mom was bringing KFC for dinner. Every time I watch it I can’t help but feel like wow, this may just be what heaven is like. So many classic scenes, like when the gang tried chewing tobacco for the first time and when Wendy Peffercorn got her Bo Derek on in that bathing suit. All the nicknames are priceless- Smalls, Benny the Jet, Squints Paladoris, Yea Yea, Ham Porter and the list goes on and on. This movie is a must own for me, like no matter what technology comes out I will always till the day I die, somehow own this movie. It’s tough to explain but I think if we could we would all want to have a sandlot of our own whatever it may be. I'll leave you with a quote that I'm sure you all are familiar with and that I think about to this day, and it drives me to strive for greatness in whatever I do. "Heroes are remembered, but legends never die." (N.M)

Remember the Titans

This movie single handedly taught me everything I know about the civil rights movement and race relations during the 60's. I mean it left out the part of extreme bigotry, hate and violence, but hey, I got the gist of it. It’s an amazing (semi) true story about how one of the first integrated high schools in the south put together an amazing football team and reached the promised land by working together and settling their racial differences. Regardless of the true outcome of the team, this movie still gets you jacked up for the ultimate team sport, even with the cutesy Disney spin put on the entire movie to make it more dramatic. Here are some of the differences from Denzel’s team to the actual team.

SPACE JAM

Who can rightfully say that they have never mimicked or tried to mimic MJ's last second game winning dunk in this NBA/Looney Tunes crossover smash hit. MJ and the Looney Tunes vs. The Monstars, billed as the best game ever played in this Universe, this movie delivers time and time again like an ACME Bomb exploding in Wile E Coyotes face. Its star studded cast includes the likes of Larry Bird, Sir Charles, LJ, Mugsy Bouges, Danny Devito as a dick head alien, and Bill FUCKING Murray. Not only does this movie have a kick ass cast but also a timeless soundtrack with R.Kelly bringing down the house with I Believe I Can Fly. Yes, R.Kelly was allowed to work on a children's movie, it was the nineties man. Anyway who knew Bill Murray could ball like that. Guy can straight dish the rock. This movie is imprinted into my subconscious. No matter what I am doing at the time, if it shows up at 3 am on Stars or Encore or HBO 45 west, I will stop and watch the whole damn thing. I've tried the MJ's Secret Stuff trick on my friends, but it was with an alcoholic drink I made, and it was for us playing beer pong not basketball. This whole movie sums up its own greatness with one single exchange-

Bill Murray “The NBA needs guys with talent, guys who have talent but never really thought of a professional career. You think I got a shot."

Micheal Jordan "No."

Bill Murray "It's cause I'm White."

Micheal Jordan "Larry's white."

Bill Murray "Larry’s not White..... He's Clear"

Mighty Ducks 2

The quack attack came back with a sequel for the ages. They added lovable newcomers like Julie “The cat” Gavin, Bash Brother Dean Portman, Cowboy Dwayne Robertson, Ken Wu and the knuckle pucker- Russ Tyler. The Ducks were inexplicably chosen to represent America in the Junior Goodwill games, where they faced off against the evil Iceland for the Gold. Some highlights from this film include the gang roller blading through the Mall of American, the Bash Brother’s rocking out to BTO's “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”, The Iceland coach blatantly cheap shot Esteves in front of both teams yet no one came to defend his honor, the boys shopping for Bikini’s on Rodeo Drive and Team Trinidad’s iconic tie-dyed jerseys. Vote for this movie if you love America. (D.C.)

Happy Gilmore

This movie actually features two different sports, hockey and golf. It's one ofthe funniest movies of all time, and the competitive duel that ensures betweenShooter McGaven and Happy is unparalleled in sports today. Despitehaving star power, the role players in the movie are just as good. Be it thegrandma, meestah meestah lady, Ben Stillar as the sociopath elderly homeorderly, Chubbs or Jaws from Bond, everyone brought their "A" gamefor this 90's comedy. Such a balanced attack. Talk about a hole in one.(D.C.)

Rocky IV

The quarto installment that proves trilogies don’t always get it right. While you can say the Clubber Lang installment is one of the lesser in the series, one cannot ignore the deplorable fifth film. Tommy Gunn can suck nuts. That being said, without the bitter the sweet just isn’t as sweet, right? The gem that shines between the latter mentioned two turds is a beacon of hope in the darkness of growing communism. Rocky 4 represents the 80’s zeitgeist which had everyone bleeding red, white and blue and screaming in orgasmic unison ROCKY! ROCKY! ROCKY! Rocky 4 redefined patriotism in film and thus redefined boxing films. Between the line of propaganda and sentiment we root for Rocky harder this time. Not just because he’s the proverbial horse to bet on, with that inspirational underdog story. We root for him because were at war, and he’s the last, best hope for a peaceful victory before mutually assured destruction blows us all to kingdom come. So raise a Budweiser, wear a flannel and relive the Reagan era as the Italian Stallion goes toe to toe with Ivan… America, fuck yeah. (-Z.S.)

-Miggs/Fresh/Strawn

Girl Talk With EB- Ex Files

2012-02-22T11:41:00.000-05:00

Girl Talk is a new segment here at the 2 Man Weave where Elyse Bogacz tackles all of your relationship/sex questions. Think Love Line, but instead of a middle aged addiction specialist, it's with a 20-something collegiate blogger. EB is the founder of the popular Boston College Lifestyle blog That's What She Said. As always, reader submissions are encouraged.

Dear EB,

The other night Iwas having a hard time falling asleep, so I decided that I would catch up onsome "Words With Friends" while my bf layed snorring next to me. OnlyI couldn't find my phone (it had fallen under the bed) so I figured I would justuse his phone to call mine. Now I'm not one of those girls that goes snoopingthrough their significant others phone EVER, but when I went to start dialinghe had a text message on his home screen from his ex. Now we've been dating forabout six months now and according to him "they don't even talkanymore". So why is she texting him at odd hours of the night and moreimportantly what should I do about it? He doesn't know that I saw that text andI don't want him to think I don't trust him, but is this reason enough not to?

Need help!

-Texts From Ex

Dear Texts from Ex,

See this is atricky situation because we've all seen text messages on our partners phonesand most of the time they are from people they shouldn't be. Are the textmessages we see on "accident"? Ehhh I'm going to say 9 times out of10 it's probably not. It's ok girl, you can admit it to me, I'm the queen ofknowing things I shouldn't as far as relationships go.

Now the whole ideaof whether or not you can trust him depends on the context of the text message.Was it her saying "Hey, how have you been?" ..If it looks like its atext message that is starting a conversation then this is probably her shootingout a text message to remind him that she still exists. Maybe things didn'twork out with someone that she was seeing and now trying to test the water tosee if she still has her claws in him. Is he going to respond? Probably. Guysloves to pretend like they've got game and can juggle multiple chicks.

Is he cheating onyou? Probably not. If he was going to leave you for his ex he would've done itby now. Does that mean he won't cheat on you? Nope, everybody is capable ofcheating. I find that the red areas in relationships where the most cheatingoccurs are in the:

1-3 months range,because the whole thing is new and there are no loyalties yet.

8 months - 1 yearrange, because they've gotten comfortable and are kind of sick of you but don'twant to feel like they've wasted a year of their life on you. So they stickwith it trying to see if it'll work itself out, but then they end up jumping onsomeone else's bandwagon when they are drunk and mad at you for ruining theirlivelihood with your sheer presence.

Now, you definitelydon't want him to know that you saw this text message. He's going to think thatyou were snooping, which will lead to shady behavior like deleting textmessages and changing names which will make your actual snooping a lot moredifficult. What you need to do is catch his attention again.

It's like a dog.When it sees another dog it starts freaking out because it sees foreign ass andwants to explore. You need to redirect it's attention with a treat or a toy.You are the treat, but what's so great about treats is you don't get them allthe time. You need to start start acting a little indifferent to him, kind oflike what you did when he was first getting to know you and you didn't want toseem like a clingy weirdo. Play hard to get, "withhold" sex for alittle longer than he's usually used to, but then make sure it's some of thebest sex you guys have had. Guys are going to argue, "Well if my girlisn't taking care of me then I'm going to run for my ex." I'm not sayingcut him off dry. But if you make him wait an extra couple hours or a day, thenyou're more interesting. If you cave every time he asks, you're too easy andboring, he knows he has you whenever he wants. This will make him work harderfor your attention and hopefully forget about this other trick sticking hernose where it isn't wanted.

If you think thatthere is still something fishy going on, then you need to "catch him inthe act." If you guys are hanging and out and his phone buzzes just belike "Oh your phone is going off.." and pick it up like you're goingto hand it to him NBD, buttt "Wait, who's Jenn?" And then see what hehas to say. This is where you need to squash it and squash it quick. You needto remind him that You. Don't. Need. Him. Talk to him very calmly and don't getemotional, just be like I'm not texting my ex because I respect you. Don'tdisrespect me. The word "disrespect" I think is a very good way ofputting a man in his place.

Remember, the keyto anyone wanting you is to never let them feel comfortable in their positionwith you. Hope this helps!

Love, EB

Need advice on your love life? E-mail the Weave at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com

This Week In Horrific Bleacher Report Reporting

2012-02-21T11:20:00.001-05:00

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that the Bleacher Report continues to put out unedited garbage day in and day out. That’s their blueprint and theysure as hell aren’t going to switch to south paw now. This week’s example ofwhy they are the absolute worst sports outlet in the country comes in the formof their “Top 50 NFL Quarterbacks” piece, which dropped earlier in the week. I’mnot even going to get into a pissing match about some of their rankings, butjust for laughs I’ll quickly hit on the three biggest disgraces that I found.

First off, the Patriots have three quarterbacks (Ryan Mallett#40, Brian Hoyer #34 and Tom Brady #2) ranked higher than Tim Tebow (#44).Regardless of your stance on Tebow, the guy led his overachieving team to thesecond round of the NFL playoffs, so the fact that two bench warmers whocombined for 22 yards passing last season are better than him is an absolute atrocity.The saddest thing about this is that some poor 14 year old is going to stumbleacross this countdown and take b/r’s word as gospel.

They also ranked Matt Flynn (#21) over Mike Vick (#24) whichis ~~almost~~ indefensible. Yes, Flynn had a week 16 performance for the ages, but let’snot underestimate the fact that he’s 1-2 lifetime as a starter. I would like tosee a greater sample size before we crown him the next Montana.

And lastly, Carlson Parlmer at #18? This would have made me “lol”in 2010, but in 2012 it has me “rofl”. The Raiders started out this season hot,and with the Chargers struggling it looked like the division was theirs for thetaking. Then Jason Campbell (#36) got hurt and Oakland decided to trade awaywhat was left of its 2012 draft, going all in on Palmer, and we all know howthat turned out. I literally X’d out my browser in disgust after seeing this.

However, the main reason for this post was becauseof the picture they decided to use for the story. Take a close look and youmight recognize some of the league’s biggest starts, like Drew Brees, AaronRodgers and Eli Manning. Look even closer than that and you may notice NFLRookie of the Year, Cam Newton, of the Carolina Panthers. Then study thepicture even closer than you already did and you may notice that Cam Newton is wearing #2(Jimmy Clausen’s number). That means that Bleacher Report either A) photoshoppeda Clausen’s jersey onto Cam (highly unlikely) or B) photoshopped a black bodyon Jimmy Clausen (more likely). Why they would do such a thing baffles me, butthen again, it is the Bleacher Report, so no sign of inaptitude should ever comeunexpected.

-fresh (@danye33)

Baron Burns One Down After Knocking Down His First Three As A Knick

2012-02-21T10:15:00.000-05:00

Well it’s good to see Baron’s using his veteran leadershipto fill the void of “team stoner” left by Renaldo Balkman’s departure. Dudewets a try bomb and goes straight into puff puff (no) pass mode on his trot back down the court. With that being said I’m actually surprised at how slim helooked after going ten months without playing in an NBA game. At least his cheeba intake tomunchies ratio is under control. Somebody do me a favor and cue up the BenHarper!

-fresh (@danye33)

Breaking Down The Top #rappersinmovietitles From Barstool Philly

2012-02-20T15:48:00.001-05:00

In an attempt to find a name for his fantasy baseball team, Mo from Barstool Philly, came up with the hilarious idea/hashtag of #rappersinmovietitles. He brought some good ones to the table himself, but in the comment section was where the true gold laid. So I took it upon myself to dig through to the dirt and break down what I thought were the Top 35 funniest movie titles. A good way to judge if a #rappersinmovietitles is funny or not is to see how long it takes you to laugh or "sip" (smile in public) after reading it. For example the The Drag-On one absolutely killed it for me because of how obscure a reference it was and because, well, you know, he's the opposite of h2o.

Feel free to take to the comment section to see if you can top these titles.

1. The Girl With The Drag-On Tattoo
2. KRS-One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest
3. Cee Lo Green Street Hooligans
4. Coolio Hand Luke
5. The Wiz Khalifa of Oz
6. T.I. Know What You Did Last Summer
7. Texas Trey Songz Massacre
8. Ma$e Ventura 2: When Naughty By Nature Calls
9. Slumdog Chamillionaire
10. 2Chainz, Planes and Automobiles
11. A Requiem For The Dream
12. Don’t Tell Mims The Babysitter’s Dead
13. To Kill A Wacka Flocking Bird
14. Back to the Odd Future
15. Honey I Shrunk the Kid N Play
16. Look Who’s Talking 2-pac
17. Mos Definitely, Maybe
18. Ja Rules of Engagement
19. LL Cool J Runnings
20. Suge Knight at the Museum
21. E-40-year-Old Virgin
22. The Hunt for RedMan October
23. Method Man on Wire
24. Coolio Brother Where Art Thou?
25. The Hills Have Plies
26. Public Enemy of the State
27. Forgetting Sarah Marshall Mathers
28. The Dre After Tomorrow
29. Snoop Doggtown and The Jay-Z Boys
30. Frank Ocean’s 11
31. Nick Cannonball Run
32. Puff Daddy Daycare
33. Kanye West Side Story
34. Lil Romeo Must Die
35. Momma M.I.A.

-fresh (@danye33)

Former NBA Lottery Pick Accuses Tony Montana Of Implied Incest

2012-02-20T14:21:00.000-05:00

If there’s one thing that MTV Cribs has taught us, it’s that wealthy, African-American men, love the movie Scarface. Which is why it should come as a surprise to no one anytime an athlete or rapper makes a reference to the movie, dons a t-shirt with Al Pacino’s likeness on it or says “Say hello to my little friend” in a joking manner. What should come as a surprise though is when an NBA player announces to his more than 75,000 followers that the films lead character, Tony Montana, secretly (or not so secretly?) wanted to bone his younger sister. Flynn, who is averaging 3.1 ppg this year for the Houston Rockets, is the 2 Man Weave’s reigning M.V.T. (Most Valuable Tweeter), and if these ridiculous movie acquisitions continue, he could very well be on his way to a repeat performance in 2012.

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Mike Posner and Blackbear "Stay Schemin"

2012-02-20T11:05:00.001-05:00

Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a (fairly) new music feature we've been putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers. This installment features former Duke frat boy-turned-rapper-turned singer, Mike Posner, and the highly talented, yet mysteriously unknown, Blackbear. The duo covers Rick Ross and Drake’s latest effort “Stay Schemin”, but to be fair, despite sharing the same lyrics, these two songs sound nothing alike. The original version is one of the hardest songs to hit the airwaves in 2012, while the remix sounds like something your 15 year old sister would blast from her Hello Kitty speakers in her room. This cover speaks dividends to Posner’s diverse musical talents and really brings light to the disturbing amount of time Drake spends at the Polo Lounge.

-fresh (@danye33)

Debunking The Tebow/Lin Comparison

2012-02-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Various sports media outlets, talking heads andfans alike have used Jeremy Lin’s recent successes as an opportunity to bringback America’s favorite two words- Tim Tebow. Comparing the two is likecomparing a piece of steak to a slice of pizza. They couldn’t be any further alike, sowhy try?

Look, I get where America’s obsession with TimTebow comes from. He’s a great role model for young children, and hisviewpoints represent the majority of the red, middle American states. He plays the most lionized position inAmerican sports. He is also a very good looking guy, with excellent morals, who’sexciting to watch, wins football games he *apparently* has no business in winning and respects all walks oflife. But as far as on the field/courtcredentials go, these two young men couldn’t be any more different if they tried.

During his tenure at the University of Florida,Tim Tebow put together (arguably) the greatest college football career anyplayer has ever had. He won two nation titles, a Heisman trophy (firstsophomore ever to do so), set the careerSEC Rushing TD record (as a QB!), eclipsed 50 TD's in a single season and wasnamed Sports Illustrated’s College football Player of the Decade. In the springof 2010, the Denver Broncos selected him in the first round of the NFL draft. He was the second quarterback to come off theboard.

Any other player with those or similar accomplishmentswould be expected no less than a Hall of Fame career. Yet, because analysts tell us that he has a “unorthodox”throwing motion we’re supposed to act as if every time this guy wins a game it’ssome kind of divine act from God. Wrong-he’s won everywhere he’s been, and until proven otherwise, his NFL success shouldbe looked at as talent, not luck.

Jeremy Lin is adifferent case all together. He led his high school to a state championship inCalifornia, where he boasted a balanced stat line of 15ppg, 7apg, 6rpg and 5spg. Surprisingly, his success did not lead to ascholarship from any D-1 schools, and he wound up walking on the basketball team at Harvard. He hassince spent time in the NBA’s Developmental League, been cut by two differentfranchises (Golden State and Houston) and most recently has taken the entireleague (and world) by storm, thriving in a starting role for the New YorkKnicks. He became a cultural icon overthe course of four games last week. What other human being could make the hometown Super Bowl Champions irrelevant just two days after a dramatic, come frombehind victory? No one else. Period.

Whichis why it’s insulting to drag Tim Tebow within 500 feet of Jeremy Lin’slimelight. Besides being fun to rootfor, and having strong Christian views, these two players are nothing alike. WHYMUST EVERYTHING BE ABOUT TIM TEBOW?!!! Can’t we just enjoy this young man’smagical journey in peace? Tim Tebow has been on America’s radar since hisfreshman year of college. Two weeks ago no casual fans even knew who Jeremy Linwas! In my opinion, Bill Simmon’s friend Chen summed up what Lin has meant tosociety best, in today’s “All-Linsanity Mailbag”.

"But the factthat his story has transcended race is the real story for me- who doesn'tidentify with him? Asian Americans, Harvard grads, New York City, workingstiffs, religious people, people in the Far East, even anyone who's been dumpedby their employer or their girlfriend. He's hitting multiple demos. Everysingle color and ethnicity on the rainbow identifies with the guy; it's gonebeyond the yellow barrier. The real story to me is how this has crossed over —it's a business story because of the economic impact (merchandise sales, ticketsales, MSG stock) and a human story (something that transcends sports,actually)."

The Jeremy Linstory is about as unique and special as you can find in the sporting world, andhe shouldn’t have to share this moment with anyone. So why is everyone trying to do just that?

-fresh (@danye33)

2012 MLB Power Ranking (Part 1)

2012-02-16T10:00:00.000-05:00

30. Houston Astros- The Astros posted a major league worst 56 wins lastseason, and once Hunter Pence was dealt to the Phillies midseason it became clear that the rebuilding process was underway. With inexperience up and down the lineup,highlighted with promising young talents like J.D. Martinez and Jose Altuve, theAstros will look to Carlos Lee to not only provide stability in the middle of the lineupbut also for veteran leadership. For the Astros to have any success this season, theirveteran pitching staff, headed by Wandy Rodriguez and Brett Myers, will have tostep up in a big way. In their final year as a National League team, the Astros willstruggle mightily and endure another season at the bottom of the barrel in the NL.

29. Seattle Mariners- In perhaps the biggest trade of the offseason, the Yankeesand Mariners swapped highly touted rookies, Jesus Montero and Michael Pineda,filling glaring needs for both clubs. The Mariners offense was absolutely terriblelast season, finishing dead last in runs, on base percentage, batting average andslugging percentage. The addition of Montero, accompanied by Dustin Ackley andKyle Seager, give the Mariners a solid nucleus they can build around. However theMariners offense will still labor through the season due to the lack of depth in theirlineup. Seattle will have to wait on the maturity of its youth to begin its turnaround.A staple in the Mariners rotation, Felix Hernandez, has become one of the mostfeared pitchers in the majors over the past three seasons. Following Hernandezis Jason Vargas, a solid starter who will probably be there #2, and new additionsHisashi Iwakuma and Hector Noesi will round out their 5-man rotation. Ultimately,contending in the harsh AL West will not bode well for the Mariners, as they will bein for a long season.

28. Oakland Athletics- Moneyball was awesome, Billy Beane is the man, and the A’s are fucked, barring another revolutionary equation that is. The A’s were on their way to having yet another great rotation with Cahill, Gonzalez, and Anderson until Billy unloaded Cahill and Gonzalez, replenishing with young studs Brad Peacock and Jarrod Parker, both of whom I expect to be in the starting rotation; Anderson underwent Tommy John Surgery putting his 2012 season in jeopardy. The A’s offense is filled with young talent, headlined by Jermile Weeks, Josh Reddick and Brandon Allen along with the Cuban defector, Yoenis Cespedes. Maybe even more hyped than Japanese pitcher, Yu Darvish, Cespedes is the next big thing to come out of the DR, which is baseball's version of Russia in hockey, constantly supplying young foreign talent. Unless these four have break out years, the inconsistency throughout the lineup will be too much to overcome for the offense to be effective. Perhaps the worst part for the A’s lies in the fact their division rivals, the Rangers and Angels, are the using the Yankees-Red Sox tactic of overpay for everyone and worrying about it later. The A’s are in some trouble for this season.

27. Baltimore Orioles- The polar opposite of the previous two teams, theOrioles pitching staff was pathetic, coupled with playing in the unforgivingAL East, and last season was an utter disaster. Last in ERA, WHIP, quality starts, and 29th inbatting average against, new GM Dan Duquette certainly had his hands full and thusfar has not delivered any viable upgrades to the staff, adding only two Japanesestarters that probably won’t be able to provide the needed support for the Orioles to become serious contenders. Fortunately, it's not all bad in Baltimore, theydo present a solid lineup. The key is health, Brian Roberts and Nick Markakis aretwo of the better hitters in the game when not bitten by the injury bug; combine thatwith J.J. Hardy, Matt Wieters, and Adam Jones and their offense could be a force to bereckoned with. Realistically, Roberts is almost a lock to get hurt at some point in theseason and Markakis enters the season coming off abdominal surgery. Pair that withrivals loaded with pitching talent and I foresee another struggle in Baltimore.

26. San Diego Padres- Right behind Seattle’s offense comes San Diego’s. ThePadres finished no better than 28th in the four major hitting categories. Playing inPetCo Park doesn’t help, where all batters seem to enter slumps, with the exceptionof Adrian Gonzalez. With players like Cameron Maybin and Chase Headley notexactly panning out, the Padres will look to another big name prospect acquiredthis offseason, first baseman Yonder Alonso. They also added Carlos Quentin, who they hope will be able to breathe life into that floundering Padres offense. The Padresusual strength, their pitching, vanished this offseason as ace Mat Latos was dealt tothe Reds, Aaron Harang signed with the Dodgers and losing both Wade LeBlanc andHeath Bell to the new-look Miami Marlins. To fill the voids the Padres got EdinsonVolquez, along with Alonso, in return for Latos and look to Cory Luebke who beganhis transition out of the bullpen last season, to pick up the slack. The Padres have alot of upside, but the lack of pitching will come back to haunt them.

25. Chicago Cubs- Losing familiar faces like Aramis Ramirez and CarlosZambrano and releasing Carlos Pena after just one season, Theo Epstein has begunthe reformation of the Cubs. His first acquisitions included David Dejesus, IanStewart, and Chris Volstad. Losing a big chunk of their power, the Cubs will lookto Stewart to bounce back from his disappointing 2011 campaign. Also, they’ll look toyoung Starlin Castro to continue improving after becoming an All-Star in only hissecond season. In 2011, the Cubs pitching staff was disappointing, finishing near thebottom in almost every significant pitching category. After re-signing Matt Garza,they’ll bank on him and Ryan Dempster to have strong seasons. New additions PaulMaholm and Chris Volstad should also improve their staff. Starlin Castro is a youngstar in the making, and after adding young first base prospect Anthony Rizzo; the futurelooks bright in Chi town.

24. New York Mets- When talking about the Mets, the first question that comesto mind is "Will Johan’s shoulder hold up?" When healthy, he gives the Mets a bonafide ace, unfortunately shoulder problems have plagued the lefty and left the Metshopes riding on his shoulders, literally. Although the Mets did not add to theirstarting rotation, they have bolstered the back end of their pen with the additions ofcloser Frank Francisco and Jon Rauch, who will look to have bounce back seasonsalong with Ramon Ramirez. Providing a sigh of relief for Mets hitters, are the newdimensions of Citi Field, which should allow them to jack more than the 25 homers in 2012. Conceivably, this should allow Jason Bay, Ike Davis, and David Wright toflourish and get some of their confidence back. However I feel the glaring holes inthe rotation will be too much to overcome in a division that has become one of thebest in baseball this offseason.

23. Minnesota Twins- Ron Gardenhire seems to always have the Twinscompetitive despite the lack of big name players on the roster. Last year, withMauer laboring and Morneau still suffering from concussions symptoms not evenGardenhire put forth a competitive team. Combined with the impotent offense,Minnesota’s pitching was woeful. Making it worse, they did nothing to address thesituation in the offseason except replace Kevin Slowey with Jason Marquis. If theM&M boys along with Denard Span can come back strong and remain healthy in theupcoming season, including new acquisition Josh Willingham, the Twins will put out a seasoned lineup that will be burdened with having to score a lot of runs in theupcoming season.

22. Colorado Rockies- One thing you can count on in Colorado is theiroffense and in 2011 they certainly didn’t disappoint, ranking in the top 10 in all thesignificant batting categories (except slugging percentage- in which they ranked11th). Signing Michael Cuddyer, a very underrated hitter, provides protection forTulowitzki and Gonzalez. Throw in Mr. 300, Todd Helton, and the Rockies meat ofthe order will allow the their offense to thrive again. Now, the reason for theRockies struggles has been their pitching staff. Last season, the team finished nearthe bottom of all the major statistical categories for pitchers. Making things worse,the team said farewell to ace Ubaldo Jimenez when the season was determined tobe a wash. This season the Rockies face inexperience throughout their rotation,which could face challenges especially in the launching pad of Coors Field. The lackof experience will be too much to overcome, even for an offense that will plate a lotof runs.

21. Chicago White Sox- Not many people knew about the 50 million dollargiveaway the White Sox held outside of U.S. Cellular Field in 2011. The winners of thecontest were Jake Peavy, Adam Dunn, and Alex Rios. Sox fans must have certainlyfelt this way last season. New manager, Robin Ventura, and hitting coach JeffManto, really have their work cut out with not only Dunn and Rios but also GordonBeckham, the young talent out of Georgia whose play has been declining since hisdebut in '09. Replacing Mark Buehrle and his 200+ innings a year will not be an easytask. Hopefully, a healthy Jake Peavy can absorb those lost innings.Along with Gavin Floyd and John Danks, together the trio could create a proficientfront end of the rotation. Losing their closer to the Blue Jays, the addition of thehighly touted rookie Addison Reed should allow Matt Thornton to step into thecloser role and solidify a White Sox pen that certainly went through its fair share ofups and downs last season. If the White Sox hitters can turn it around they’ll have achance to be competitive with their solid starting rotation, but that’s a big IF.

-Palaz

Joe is the 2 man weave's baseball aficionado

Moron Sells Safe on eBay With $26,000 Still Inside

2012-02-16T09:45:00.001-05:00

(WMCTV) MEMPHIS, TN - A Bartlett man found thousands of dollars inside an item he bought on eBay. James Labrecque sold an old safe on eBay for $122.93. He did not have the combination to the safe and believed it to be just another item to turn around. Upon receipt, the buyer brought the safe to a welder, who cut it open. Inside the safe was $26,000 in cash. The buyer gave Labrecque a positive review and shared the news. "I feel like the stupidest idiot in the world," said Labrecque. In a contentious e-mail chain Labrecque provided to Action News 5, he asked for a cut of the cash. The buyer declined, citing Labrecque's seller policy that states, "What you see is what you get, no returns, and no money back." "That's a chunk of change, you know. That's life-altering money," he said. "I mean, if I was in that situation and I found that kind of money and I bought it from someone, I'd say, 'Here man, I found this money. I'll give you half of it.'"

James Labrecque can cry me a frickin river. Dude just sold a LOCKED safe, no key, nocombination, no nothing, for $123. Heeven went as far as to include the douchey “What you see is what you get, no returns, and no money back” disclaimer.You dug your own grave, now lay in it. $123 for something that you might noteven be able to use is like armed robbery. And spare me the whole “if I foundthis money I would have given you half” crap because you and I both know it’s agod damn lie. If you’re willing to charge triple figures for an item that mightnot even be usable, then you sure as hell aren’t the type to share yourwinnings frivolously with total strangers. I couldn’t feel less bad for thisguy if I tried.

But we’re not done here folks. We still havesome issues that need to be addressed. One- why the hell was there 26kunaccounted for, locked up in this sucker? Did he rob a drug dealer in hisyounger years? Or had he at one time bought that very same safe on eBay andsimply neglected to try opening it? Eitherway this is a fail of epic proportions. Literally double the amount of money was lost here than that 80 year old who donated his suit to Goodwill with his entire lifesavings tucked away on the inside pocket. And secondly, talk about takinga shot in the dark and having it pay off? This bro shells out a C note plus for somelocked safe and ends up striking gold. Guess the sayings true- “you gotta be in it,to win it.”

-fresh (@danye33)

The Lincredible Journey Rolls Through Toronto

2012-02-15T08:07:00.001-05:00

Jeremy Lin added a new chapter to his story book season last night, leading the Knicks to a 90-87 win on Asian Heritage Night in Toronto. With just twenty seconds left in a tie game, Lin called for an isolation, and his teammates gladly made way for the undrafted point guard out of Harvard. He dribbled in place for what seemed like too long, before finally making his move towards the three point line. After dribbling between his legs and progressing forward with three seconds left, Raptors point guard Jose Calderon took a fatal step backwards, allowing Lin just enough space to sink the game winning three pointer with half of a second remaining. Lin continued his string of excellence by tallying 27 points, 6 of which came in the games final minute, to go along with a career high 11 assists.

The Knicks overcame a 17 point deficit to the injury plagued Raptors, capped off by a 13-1 run in the games final four minutes. New York doubled the Raptors fourth quarter score, 24-12, as they continued to win ball games on the defensive end of the court, something that has quickly become a staple for the teams recent success. In their last two games, both of which were decided by 3 points or less, the Knicks have allowed a combined 23 fourth quarter points. Tyson Chandler and Iman Shumpert have been the guys responsible for implementing this defense first attitude, and it was a mid-game defensive switch that placed Shumpert on Calderon that completely neutralized the Spaniards play, paving the way for New York's comeback.

Last night also marked the return of superstar forward Amar'e Stoudemire, who had missed the previous four games while coping with the loss of his brother, Hazell Stoudemire Jr. The big man didn't skip a beat on the court, scoring 21 points and grabbing 9 rebounds, but afterwards he very open about the nightmare that he is dealing with. He spoke to reporters about the the teardrop tattoo he had done below his right eye, saying that he got it because he will "forever (be) crying (on the) inside".

The Knicks look to get back to .500 tonight as they host the West's second worst team, the Sacramento Kings, at Madison Square Garden.

-fresh (@danye33)

Is Bleacher Report Shitting Me With This Potential Knicks Trade?

2012-02-14T12:21:00.000-05:00

No one actually takes this website seriously, right? They boast that they have over 7,000 contributors yet they've NEVER broken a story in the sites entire existence. They pry on unintelligent sports fans who are too dumb to realize that what they're reading has zero context and then feed off the page views their slideshow style format produces.

This hypothetical trade was the icing on the cake for me and I refuse to stay silent on this issue any longer. Lets start at the beginning of Featured Columnist, James Pearson's, post, shall we?

"Jeremy Lin is in; Iman Shumpert is out"

First of all, it's been five games. Lets pump the breaks here before we start kicking first round draft picks off of our team. Secondly, Shumpert's FG%, ppg and rpg have all increased since Lin took over at the point. In my eyes, Iman is far better suited at the 2 guard position to begin with, so this entire debate should be a non-issue. The notion that Jeremy Lin makes Iman Shumpert disposable is an atrocity to basketball journalism.

"With "Linsanity", the Knicks would be better off with a veteran point guard to compliment him, so why not go get Dragic, who was coincidentally playing his best basketball under Mike D'Antoni's system that was still in place under Alvin Gentry in Phoenix?"

Goran Dragic has been on the Rockets for over a year now. Furthermore, his numbers have improved since he landed in Houston, completely disproving the fact that Dragic played his best basketball under Alvin Gentry.

"Lin and Dragic would form a great one-two punch at the point guard position for the Knicks. If Lin is indeed the real deal and Dragic resigns this summer, New York would have their point guard position filled for years to come."

How about instead of wondering if they can hypothetically resign Dragic, lets worry about resigning Lin. Due to the Knicks current salary cap woes, the team would be unable to match any offer greater than $5 million dollars for the restricted free agent to be.

"The Rockets get immediate defensive help in their backcourt in Shumpert, who is a better complement to come off the bench for Kyle Lowry than Dragic."

So Iman's defense would help the Rockets out but not the Knicks? And what about the part where you never trade productive players on their rookie contracts unless you're getting a star player in return? Douglas and Shumpert both make less money than Dragic, and Iman has a very bright future in front of him. He's currently third in the league in steals and has freakish athletic ability. I know the Knicks have a history of horrible trades, but even Dolan wouldn't be stupid enough to deal a future starter on a rookie contract for a backup point guard.

Give me a homeless mans Russel Westbrook over a rich mans Tom Coverdale anyday.

-fresh (@danye33)

Girl Talk With EB- Is Three A Crowd?

2012-02-14T09:05:00.000-05:00

Girl Talk is a new segment here at the 2 Man Weave where Elyse Bogacz tackles all of your relationship/sex questions. Think Love Line, but instead of a middle aged addiction specialist, it's with a 20-something collegiate blogger. EB is the co-founder of the popular Boston College Lifestyle blog That's What She Said. As always, reader submissions are encouraged.

So whenever I'm drunk with my one friend, we always end up making out. She's hot, it's fun, it doesn't mean anything, and my boyfriend doesn't mind. He thinks its sexy... But now my boyfriend keeps saying that he wants us all to have a threesome one night. I don't know what to do! I'm definitely attracted to her, but I don't know if I want to push it to that level. She's not one of my best friends, just a friend I party with sometimes... Will it totally ruin my relationship with my boyfriend? Are girls capable of having just sex without getting jealous? I'm not sure if I can handle seeing him have sex with her, but at the same time, the idea of us all in bed is hot! Help!

--isthreeacrowd

Dear Isthreeacrowd,

Chances are yourrelationship will come crashing down around you while your soon to beex-boyfriend runs around like king of the castle. Why might you ask? Let meexplain.

Guys don't want toDATE the chick that wants to fuck around with other chicks. Plan and simple.

Naturally, thefirst thing you're probably thinking about is the mountain of girlfriend pointsyou'll accrue if you agree. "But what if I get jealous?!?!" Honey,don't worry about whether or not you're going to get jealous-you won't evenhave time to, because he's going to be the one that gets rid of YOU. Sure itall sounds like a super idea at the time, and he is DEFINITELY into it for themoment. But after he's done Occupying Vagistan, he's going to look at you likeyou're just another dumb co-ed slut. Girls who have threesome's don't getbrought home to meet Mom.

On the other hand,if you don't do it.. he's probably going to cheat on you. And the feministswill start shouting about how sexuality is fluid and you must be homophobic.Feminists are scary. And either way you lose.

Love, EB

Need advice on your love life? E-mail the Weave at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com

AMC Pulls The Old Bait And Switch After Last Nights "Walking Dead" Premiere

2012-02-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

Last night AMC kicked off season 2.5 of their fan favorite zombie drama, The Walking Dead. The show picked up right where it left off, with officer Rick Grimes standing over the still warm zombie corpse of Sophia, Carol’s daughter, who had been missing since the first episode of season 2.

The episode, titled “Nebraska”, saw Hershel fall off the wagon, Daryl make a funny, Shane piss people off, Rick commit a completely justifiable double-homicide, Lori doing everything in her power to prove the stereotype that woman can’t drive right and Carl come to grips with the fact that with Sophia gone, there is now an 82.3% chance that he will never, ever, lose his virginity. Okay, so I made that last one up, but you can’t honestly say that that thought hasn’t crossed your mind. Pool little guy.

In a move that was both clearly calculated and highly effective, the show returned to its famed 9pm Sunday night time slot, filling America’s football void without skipping a beat. Over 10 million viewers tuned in to watch the highly anticipated debut, and after a where-the-hell did that come from? shootout to end the episode, fans were eager to see what was in store for the gang next week.

But as the credits rolled and the suspense mounted, we were informed that if we wanted too see what happens next week, we would have to wait until the first commercial break in Comic Book Men, a new, one hour, unscripted television series set in Kevin Smith's (Silent Bob) comic book shop in Red Hook, New Jersey, that premiered following last nights Walking Dead.

From a marketing, money making, business stand point, I loved this move. It forced people who would normally have no interest in watching this show, to do just that. Maybe they gained some new fans, maybe they forced people to throw their remote controls through their LCD screens. But regardless of what people thought, the word was out, and for better or worse, people were talking about this show.

From a viewer, fan, and television consumer standpoint, I hated this move. It was manipulative, greedy, and an inconvenience to the loyal fans who simply wanted to see what happened next at the old saloon in a timely manner.

The surprise wait led me to this below text message exchange with my friend Zach-

Zach: Super douche move on not showing the next episode preview

Me: Seriously, are you going to watch comic book man?

Zach: Not a fucking chance

six minutes later

Zach: This is brutal, Kevin Smith is a fucking dick nerd.

Zach: That guy with the beard has only had sex with his hand.

Zach: This preview better knock my socks off

Me: For real

immediately following the Walking Dead preview, approx 10:16 pm

Zach: That was awesome. Not worth it- but awesome

Me: I know man, can't wait for next week

Zach: U gonna finish CBM?

Little did he know, upon hearing about this ridiculous delayed viewing of the preview, I DVR'd Comic Book Men (so that I could fast forward straight through to the Walking Dead spot whenever it aired and not have to deal with a show that I had zero interest in) and instead had already switched over to the Grammys, just in time to see Adele preform a stunning rendition of Rolling In The Deep (Side note- Adele and Kelly Clarkston are in the middle of an epic battle to see who can shed more arm fat in a calender year. We're about six months into this thing and right now it's Clarkson's award to lose. However, barring some comfort food meltdowns, this race is still 100% up for grabs), fully knowing that I would get a text from Zach once it aired allowing me to then breeze through the episode to get to what I wanted to see.

This point right here illustrates that no matter how infuriating AMC's tactics were, in the end, it worked. Not only did they get at least one person who other wise never would have checked out their program, but by the time the preview aired, he was already referring to it in acronyms and was contemplating sticking it out for the long run. I was able to take some solace in the fact that I controlled my own viewing destiny, and didn't give into the man. Score one for the schemers!

The lesson here- no matter what, DVR always wins.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Other Genres Edition)

2012-02-10T16:24:00.002-05:00

As always, GO VOTE for your favorite "Other Genres" sports movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Fan Page

The search continues for the BSM. Last week we broke downbaseball and just as I expected, The Sandlot laced up its PF Flyers and spedaway with the victory after receiving 47% of the vote. Childhood classicshave DOMINATED the voting thus far. Since we couldn't give each sport it's own catagory, we've decided to group the best of the remaining movies and throw them into our "Other Genres" column. So without Freddie Adu, let's meet our nominees and punch that final ticket to the big show!

Caddyshack

This isn't comedy. It transcends comedy. It isn’t something thatcan truly be described. It’s the perfect storm of unbelievable once in alifetime talent, writing and timing. Just look at the roster- it’s stacked (Murray,Dangerfield, Chase) with all of its stars at the prime of their careers. Thisis the Miami Heat of comedy. I wish I could make a funny movie with all myfriend just to have it compared to a turd that Caddyshack pooped and left inthe pool (I know it was a Baby Ruth). To me, this is the barometer to whichevery comedic movie should be judged upon. Oh and by the way, it’s kind of aboutgolf. (N.M.)

ColorOf Money

The days of old when men were men and pool sharks ran wildduping everybody except their own mama. The days before we all realized howshort Tom Cruise was. And before he got all weird and started believing inaliens and shit. It was the 80’s and the movie was “The Color of Money”. In asequel made nearly two decades after the original, Paul Neumann plays the slypool shark veteran who takes Cruise under his wing to try and teach the game tothe newbie. Predictably, a girl gets involved and the duo breaks. I won’t giveaway the ending, but it’s definitely deserving of a BSM ever nomination. Also,Fast Eddie is a fucking great name. (N.M.)

Karate Kid

For those who sayKarate is not a sport, you need to make your way down to Long Island and findRalph Macchio. Then ask him to deliver a precise crane kick to your face. Nowafter he does that get up and try to do anything....anything at all. If that doesn’tconvince you that karate is a sport and that those who practice it are athletes,I don’t know what will. No better movie to describe teen angst in the 80's thankarate kid. you have the short unassuming new kid in town that battles thedouches of all douches in and out of the dojo. Who would Danielson be withoutthe help and tutelage of Mr. Miyagi? The wise and strange Asian man next door.Any way this movie kicks cobra kai ass. (N.M.)

Beerfest

Think outside the boxor should I say think outside the Keg. What competition or sporting event do weall participate in most in? The answer is Drinking Games. To my knowledge this isthe only film to accurately showcase the sport of drinking. It’s not justthrowing a ping pong ball into a cup. It’s a battle of whit and drinkingability. It’s man vs. man to see who can stand the longest without throwing upor flipping over the table in anger because you lost to a chick in flip cup.When we watch professional sports we admire the sheer beauty of athleticability at its peak performance. Those who have seen an incredibly intensedrinking game have to admire the sheer beauty of how amazing some people are atdrinking games. That makes them an athlete in my eyes. So in homage tothis beer guzzling classic I chant at the top of my lungs "THEY'RE NOTTHAT DRUNK"! (N.M.)

Happy Gilmore

This movie actually features two different sports, hockey and golf. It's oneof the funniest movies of all time, and competitive duel that ensures betweenShooter McGaven and Happy is unparalleled in sports today. Despite having star power, the role players in the movie are just as good. Be it the grandma, meestah meestah lady, Ben Stillar as the sociopath elderly home orderly, Chubbs or Jaws from Bond, everyone brought their "A" game for this 90's comedy. Such a balanced attack. Talk about a hole in one. (D.C.)

Warrior

Warrior, which scored a 8.3/10 on imdb, came out last fall, and was well received by both critics and MMA fans alike. I actually haven't gotten a chance to see this movie yet, so I'm not going to blow smoke up anyone's ass or pretend that I know anything about this movie other than what I've heard second hand. But from the responses that I've gotten from people who have seen this movie, it was evident that it deserved a shot at the title. (D.C.)

-Miggs with a side of fresh

Somebody Do Me A Favor And Get My Man Rick Ross An Ash Trey

2012-02-10T12:56:00.002-05:00

So I was listening to Stay Schemin on YouTube earlier today and I couldn't help but take note of the cover artwork for Rick Ross's latest mixtape, Rich Forever. Now I must say, Freeway, what in gods name are you doing here bud? That shits canoeing like amotherfucker! Better ash up quick, wouldn't want to get any Scooby snacks on your white leather Maybach seats now would you?

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Stealing Jane "Whatever You Like"

2012-02-09T17:58:00.001-05:00

-fresh (@danye33)

I've Officially Declared February 6th as Lindependence Day

2012-02-09T15:50:00.003-05:00

On February 6^th, 2012, something incrediblehappened. For the first time that I can remember, a bench player, someone that asrecently as one month ago had spent time in the NBA’s Developmental League, hadcracked Mike D’Antoni’s starting lineup. Figuring out a way to break into D’Antoni’s rotation during hisKnicks tenure had been a task that was harder than Antonio Cromartie’s third leg. Many have tried, all had failed. That is,until now.

D’Antoni, despite being a quite southerner to the untrainedeye, has ruled the Knicks with an iron fist in the most my-way-or-the-highway approachI’ve ever seen a coach take. During the 2010-2011 season alone, they traded forAnthony Randolph and Corey Brewer, and neither one of them so much as sniffedthe Knicks rotation. Brewer waseventually cut by the Knicks and ended up signing with the Dallas Mavericks, enroute to the franchise’s first ever NBA title. As for Randolph, a guy who had scored just 35 points the entireseason while being held hostage on the Knicks bench, scored 30 points in hisfirst game as a free man for the Wolves last March.

When Jeremy Lin took the court Monday night, fresh off his25 point outing, and win, on Saturday, it was the start of a new era in NewYork Knicks basketball. Sure, panic mode had already broke out across theorganization, and with D’Antoni’s job on the line he had to act fast. But the fact remains that he gave the fans,and team (sans Tony Douglas) what they wanted, and rolled the dice on the undraftedpoint guard from Harvard. Luckily for the Knicks, that dice roll hit, as Linwent off for a career high 28 points.

Fast forward three days later and in a week where the NewYork Giants won the Super Bowl, Linsanity continues to hold down the front pageof the sports section. It’s the feelgood story that no one wants to end, and from the looks of it we’re onlygetting started. Sure, the combined record of the three teams that the Knickshave defeated on their current linning streak is 26-51, but they’ve also gone two thirds of those games without Stat& Melo. For the first time since Christmas Day the team is playing withan excitement and swagger that makes watching them enjoyable again.

Regardless of what happens the rest of the way, this weekthe Knicks have proved that still have a pulse, and that maybe the point guardthey so desperately needed had been with them all along.

So everyone, raise your cup of sake, as we share a toast to NewYork’s newest holiday- Lindependence Day.

-fresh (@danye33)

This Weatherman Owns Life

2012-02-09T11:30:00.000-05:00

Top 5 lines from this bro-

5. "Harrisville coming back like Jordan wearing that 4-5"

4. "What does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella for? A chance ofdrizzle."

3. "Talk about consistency, we got Patrick Ewing, we got Larry Birds, all over theplace with those 33’s."

2. "Getused to some fog, it’s gonna be a shout out to Foghorn Leghorn week all weeklong, cloudy, cloudy, cloudy with a chance of meatballs. Cause I got meatballsin my fridge, I’m hoping I’m gonna be able to cook them later."

1. "It’s like Gargamel getting rid of the Smurfs,there’s no more blue anymore and that means we’re not seeing that snow that wesaw earlier in the day."

Dad Kills Couple Because They Unfriended His Adult Daughter On Facebook

2012-02-09T10:46:00.000-05:00

(CBS) MOUNTAIN CITY, Tenn. (AP) — A father who was upset after a Tennesseecouple deleted his adult daughter as a friend on Facebook has been charged inthe shooting deaths of the couple, authorities said Wednesday. The victims hadcomplained to police that Marvin’s Potter’s daughter was harassing them afterthey deleted her as a friend on the social networking site. Potter, 60, hasbeen charged with two counts of first-degree murder in last week’s slayings ofBilly Payne Jr. and his girlfriend, Billie Jean Hayworth. The couple was shotto death in their Mountain City home in the far northeast corner of the state.Their 8-month-old baby was found unharmed in Hayworth’s arms.“It’s a senseless thing,” the sheriff said.

Look, I’m not going to lie, getting defriended on Facebook sucks.Total blow to your online ego. I was dumbfounded recently to find out that acouple of people from college had chosen to part ways with my profile just lastweek. Yea I was bummed out for a fewseconds but then I clicked back over to YouPorn or fantasy hoops and got onwith my life. If not for this story, Iwould have forgotten that even took place, so no, I cannot condone MarvinPotter’s criminal behavior after finding out that an adult couple had unfriendedhis adult daughter on a social networking site.

I think the real issue here is why was Marvin’s daughtersuch a little tattle tale in the first place? Wahh Wahhh, asuccessful couple with a family and nice life unfriended me daddy.Seriously take the defriending on the chin like a champ. Mad that theyunfriended you? Get into shape and go on a vacation, then make your defaultsome crazy ass picture of you laying down in a Bikini while natives take bodyshots out of your naval. Facebook revenge 101, make them feel like they’re theones missing out on your crazy life. Don’t go crying to daddy because you can’tget your stalk on anymore. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula, and start fighting your own online battles.

-fresh (@danye33)

Man Arrested For Repeatedly Punching Woman After She "Looked At Him Funny"

2012-02-08T16:45:00.000-05:00

(Chicago Tribune) A judge set bail at $25,000 today for a man who police said repeatedly punched a woman he did not know Monday afternoon on a River North street all because she “looked at him funny.’’ Bryant McClinton, 24, was charged with one count of battery in a public place and was booked into Cook County Jail Tuesday. The woman had been walking south on Orleans Street as McClinton was walking north. As they were about to cross paths McClinton punched the woman with his left hand, knocking the woman to the ground.

The second I read this headline I was immediately reminded of that scene in Goodfellas where they're all sitting around the table bullshitting and Pesci is telling the story about the bank job in Seacacus (I thought I told you to go fuck ya motha?), then Ray Liotta tells him he's funny which leads to a minute long exchange about what he meant by that. Funny how? Like I'm a clown, I amuse you? Before finally admitting that he was just busting his chops and then goes and beats the shit out of the owner. So yes, I really do wonder what Bryant McClinton meant when he said that woman looked at him funny? Did she make him laugh? FUNNY HOW YOU STUTTERING PRICK YOU???!!!

P.S. tried embedding about forty different YouTube clips for this scene but they were all disabled. If you would like to watch it, click here.

-fresh (@danye33)

Bo Shines On "Nerds", An Ode To The Outcasts

2012-02-08T14:06:00.001-05:00

Bo Burnham is a busy man. The young comic has kept himselfbusy in recent years by touring the globe, appearing in movies, performingmultiple comedy central specials (youngest artist ever to do so) and working onboth an MTV pilot and an “anti-high school musical” movie with Judd Apatow. Butdespite the roller coaster ride of success that this young man is on, he’snever forgotten the path that got him there. Both the good and the bad.

This has never been more apparent than it was after listening to Bo’slatest song “Nerds”, an ode to the outcasts. Right off the bat he attacks this track the same way the bullies used toattack him. He raps in this song, but witha noticeably different demeanor than we’ve grown accustomed to. There’s ananger to his voice. A cause in his words.

Bo takes the 8 Mileapproach in his opening verse, insulting himself first, as if to disarm hisenemy’s arsenal before they have a chance to use it themselves. “I’m a faggot,I’m a retard, I got a girl’s bag and a v-card”, all insults that I’m sure were thrown his way growing up. By the tenth line he already has to instruct himself to “calmdown Bo, just count to ten, um”. The verse concludes with him accepting defeat, butin a B-Rabbit drop-the-mic walk-off home run kind of way declares “I quit, I got nopatience. You won, I’ll face it. Yourlife peaks at graduation, well congru-fucking-lations.”

The chorus serves as a shout out to the types of childrentypically bullied in schools, ending with Bo proclaiming “I got your back kid.”

Nerds,

The faggots,
The spastic fat chicks who,
Sit in the back with no one to do their lab with,
The nerds,
The kid with acne,
And tons of proactive,
Packed inside his backpack,
I got your back, kid

And that message has not gone unappreciated. Hundreds ofYoutube comments have come flooding in by people from all walks of like, thankingBo for sticking up for them, along with sharing personal stories of heartache.

“This song has such an impact on me and I can't really expresswhy... for some reason the first couple of times I watched it, I cried at theend. Cheesy, I know. I guess it's just very relatable. I commend Bo for havingthe balls to get up there and let loose something as raw and angry as that.Good for him.”

“I can't stop listening to this. It's like a drug; a reallyincredible, emotional, beautiful drug.”

“whenever i feel depressed i come to this song and it alwaysmakes me feel better. im not a nerd or anything like that, it just shows howmuch confidence you can have.”

“this is so different from what he usually does and it made mecry instead of laugh out loud. i love him. no other words for it. <3”

It's beyond refreshing to see such an established performer go against the grain of society by putting his neck on the line to become a voice for the voiceless. Bo's brilliance and passion go without question and after hearing this song I have no doubt that his up coming rap album will be some of his best and most heartfelt efforts yet.

Not that I ever doubted him in the first place.

-fresh (@danye33)

Yahoo! Sports Uses 90's Suicide Ballad To Explain Jeremy Lin's Career Night

2012-02-07T11:40:00.001-05:00

This, of course, is a reference to Pearl Jam's 1991 mega-hit, Jeremy, a song whose video featured a young school boy blowing his brains out in front of his classmates. Slightly more controversial than the leagues only Asian-American born player scoring 25+ points in consecutive outings, but hey, the Knicks are fun to watch again, so I don't think anyone will mind the tasteless comparison.

-fresh (@danye33)

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!!!!

2012-02-06T10:10:00.001-05:00

I woke up at 5 am today with a wicked hangovah and couldn't fall back asleep for the life of me. Just laid in bed replaying last nights game over and over again in my mind, still trying to wrap my head around the fact that for only the second time in my life, we are the champions. It's an amazing feeling, and I truly do hope that everyone is lucky enough to experience it once or twice in their own lifetime as well.

As for the Giants- I would just like to say that Eli Manning is the greatest competitor I've ever had the honor of cheering for. I don't even want to think about the day when someone else lines up under center in the blue and white. Poise, confidence and execution that is unparalleled in the National Football League today.

So on behalf of everyone at the 2 man weave (sans Gary), I would like to say thank you to the New York Giants. Your excellence on the field inspires us to strive for excellence in our own daily lives.

Now somebody do me a favor and cue up the Queen music on repeat for days!

-fresh

Andrew Bynum Will Never Drink Alcohol, Kissed Sumones Gurl, Purposely Showed Up To Class Late. This, According To His MySpace Page From When He Was 17

2012-02-04T12:51:00.000-05:00

click images for larger view

To view the All-Star starter's page in its entirety, click here.

-fresh (@danye33)

"The Catch" Taking You Into Super Bowl Weekend

2012-02-03T15:51:00.001-05:00

We all know what's at stake.

It all comes down to this.

The ball is in Eli's hands now...

And that's just the way we want it.

GO BLUE

The Chosen One

2012-02-03T12:28:00.003-05:00

The starters for the 2012 NBAAll-Star game were announced Thursday night, live on TNT, before theKnicks/Bulls game at the Garden. The winners of the fan vote were Kobe Bryant,Chris Paul, Kevin Durant, Blake Griffin and Andrew Bynum for the West, while theEast will be sending out Dwyane Wade, Derrick Rose, LeBron James, CarmeloAnthony and Dwight Howard come tip off, February 26^th, inOrlando. All of these players are exceptional athletes, and deserving ofthis honor in the midst of having great seasons for contending teams. Well, every player with the exception of one, that is.

Carmelo Anthony is the onlystarter whose team doesn’t boast a winning record. It’s not like theKnicks are hovering around the mediocrity level either, they’re an uninspired 8-14. To the untrained eye, Anthony’s stat line this season looks a lot likewhat the prototypical All-Star starter’s stat line should look like. He’saveraging 23.8 ppg and 6.5 rpg, but if you look a little closer you will alsosee that only Kobe Bryant has taken more shots per game, and that no other top20 scorer is shooting worse than he is (a career worst 40.3%). Anotherstat for you- Carmelo hasn't hit a field goal in 12.5% of the Knickswins. Deserving of a starting spot to represent his conference? Hardly.

The fan voting system has andalways will be flawed. Remember, this is a system that once elected Yao Ming astarter in a year in which he didn’t step one size 18 foot on the court inuniform. This is also a system that just two years ago saw Allen Iversonget awarded a start despite putting up brutal career lows and only appearing in19 games. That same year, 2010, Tracy McGrady went into the final hours ofvoting primed for a starting slot before finally getting overthrown by SteveNash as the buzzer went off on the fan voting. Tracy had played in just45 minutes that whole season.

When this kind of stuff happensit always serves as a reminder that events like the All-Star game are strictlyput in place for two reasons. To make money while making the fans happy, andthose two things go hand in hand. Stars sell and the fans want to seetheir stars align together, which is why year in and year out it’s the biggestnames, and not always the most deserving players, that get to bask in the All-Starlimelight.

This year there are a slew ofEastern Conference forwards on contending teams worthy of Anthony’s startingspot. For instance, Chris Bosh is averaging 20.4 ppg and 8 rpg whileanchoring the front court of the East’s second best team. Midway upthe coast you have Andre Iguodala who has helped right the 76ers ship back to their winning ways, and he’s been doing it with his defense, a rarity intoday’s NBA. Philly is ten games over .500 and Iguodala is one of just fourplayers in the league averaging more than 13 ppg/6 rpg/5 apg (the other playersto do so are LeBron, Kobe and Kyle Lowry). Danny Granger isaveraging 18+ppg for Indiana and has the Pacers sitting pretty at fourth placein the East. Hell, I’d even argue that Luol Dang, Paul Pierce and RyanAnderson’s play all merits contention for a starting spot over Melo. At leasttheir performance has translated to wins.

So when you’re sitting at homein a couple of weeks checking out All-Star weekend, remember that you’rewatchingBasketball With The Stars, not necessarily basketball with thebest.

-fresh (@danye33)

Dan is the editor inchief of the 2man weave

Reader E-mail- Does Using The Hand Railing As Ass Floss On The Subway Get This Chick Laid?

2012-02-02T16:38:00.004-05:00

This mobile upload popped up on my News Feed last night and I immediately got a semi. Now my question for the weave is- does using the hand rail on the Subway to floss your ass get this chick laid?

-J.P.

I'm going to start off my saying that anytime a chick makes it known that door #2 is open for business there are going to be an ample amount of suitors signing up to play slip and slide. She clearly has a constant need for things in or around the back door, as evident by this cheek spreading photograph that we've all now been blessed with. So to answer your question- yes, flossing your ass on the Subway hand rail is about as natural a mating call as you can think of. We should be commanding this woman for her innovation in the most unlikely of places.

HOWEVAH, I would say the real question here is not whether or not flossing her ass on the hand rail gets this chick laid, but rather whether or not that bro who stole LeBron's shirt from "The Decision" is the one doing the exploring in her land down under? Maybe she's the one making his black snake moan and couldn't wait for the bedroom so she got the party started a little early? After that public display of sphincter stretching I bet they didn't even need to bust out the his & her pleasure when they finally got horizontal.

I SAID LOOK MA- NO HANDS!

-fresh (@danye33)

Have a question you want answered? E-mail fresh at dan.chiavetta@gmail.com

Sports Movie Showdown (Baseball Edition)

2012-02-02T14:10:00.000-05:00

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Baseball movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Fan Page

Last week we asked whatyour favorite hockey movie. The readers of the weave answered backemphatically, QUACK QUACK QUACK QUACK TIMES 2. In our most lopsided vote yet D2won with 47% of the vote. We threw on our tie dye Trinidad jerseys and skatedtill we couldn’t stop just like Luis Mendoza. This is real interesting becauseso far not one so called “critically acclaimed” film has come close to winningand you know what- THAT'S (Bernie) FINE. Fuck critics because in the end do wereally want some pompous asshole telling us that Coach Gordon Bombay isn’t aclassic film character? Fuck no!

As we inch closer andcloser to the end of this little charade we've deemed The Best Sports MovieEver, we reach what some have called the toughest vote yet as we break downAmericas Past time, baseball. I think the benches may clear on this one and it’llsurely be one of the most vicious cock fights we’ve had on BSME. So without FreddieAdu, let’s step to the plate and point our finger at which Baseball Movie trulyis our favorite.

Moneyball

Acombination of economics and baseball gives us quite possibly the mostinteresting sports story in the last 20 years. The film tells ofBilly Bean, who as general manager of the Oakland Athletics, turned his ballclub from an imminent failure to a major contender in the 2002 AmericanLeague. The club took the philosophy of “buying wins” instead ofbuying players and made it mainstream, thus now holding the longestsingle-season winning streak of 20 games. It’s one part philosophy,two parts drama, and the rest… All-American ball. The line, “It’shard not to be romantic about baseball” allows every guy who’s ever felt thatway to nod in approval, and repress a built up tear. We wantbaseball to be pure, to let raw talent and meritocracy to win every time, eventhough we know it isn’t. ‘Moneyball’ is a movie that not onlytranslates well into the pantheon of baseball hallmarks... it allows us toinvest hope that the game can still be won by an underdog lot; that a team witha $35 million payroll can beat a flock with a $135 million dollarpayroll. ‘Moneyball’ is to the baseball fan, what ‘The ShawshankRedemption’ is to the hardened heart. (Z.S)

Field of Dreams

Tryingto write about this Costner opus is hard. Everything has been said,and rightfully so. The reason ‘Field of Dreams’ has always been popular is fortwo reasons. The first one is simple… that baseball serves as thegreatest allegory for most American boys. At some point, all youngmen dream of cracking the bat and sending the leather into the centerfieldstands. Most of us have put our face into the leather glove, smelledthe spring grass, felt the dirt on our hands, chewed sunflower seeds andallowed the cheer of family to boost our confidence and tame our nerves. ‘Fieldof Dreams’ turned an unspoken notion, and gave us a standing commandment; thatbaseball is a religion… ordained by God himself. Had the Lord written anewer New Testament (sorry Jewish friends)… baseball ethics would be the themeof the Gospels. We understand baseball as black and white, good and evil,Pinky and the Brain, love and hate.

The second reason we love this movie is something that sneaks upon us and isn’t revealed until the very end. It’s ultimately afather/son story. Tackling this subject in the allegory and robustworld of baseball demonstrates that there are bridges between father and sonthat can heal hurts and undo wrongs. If we go on the notion that anomniscient God uses baseball in an unforgiving world, we allow the purity ofthe game to repair a loving bond between Ray and his dad, after what must haveseemed an eternity of regret. When Ray and his dad finally playcatch at the end, anyone who’s ever had a great father will be using theirsleeve to hide the joy. (Z.S)

Sandlot

This movie iseverything right and beautiful about the game of baseball. The childhood experienceis perfectly embodied as these kids lose themselves in a game without a care inthe world. It’s an example of how simple life used to be. We didn’t care aboutcell phones, facebook status or what celebrity showed their cooch getting outof their BMW. It was simple and it simply was BASEBALL. Everybody had thosedays growing up where no matter what you were playing, you’d go out as soon asyou woke up and before you know it was getting dark and you had to be homebecause mom was bringing KFC for dinner. Every time I watch it I can’t help butfeel like wow, this may just be what heaven is like. So many classic scenes, likewhen the gang tried chewing tobacco for the first time and when WendyPeffercorn got her Bo Derek on in that bathing suit. All the nicknames arepriceless- Smalls, Benny the Jet, Squints Paladoris, Yea Yea, Ham Porter andthe list goes on and on. This movie is a must own for me, like no matter what technologycomes out I will always till the day I die, somehow own this movie. It’s toughto explain but I think if we could we would all want to have a sandlot of ourown whatever it may be. I'll leave you with a quote that I'm sure you all arefamiliar with and that I think about to this day, and it drives me to strivefor greatness in whatever I do. "Heroes are remembered, but legends neverdie." (N.M)

Angels In The Outfield

The premise of thismovie is about as fucked up as you can get at the Disney level. Some dead beat dad puts his kid in anorphanage and tells him that the only way they could be a family again is ifthe Angels win the pennant. Sure enough,actual Angels start showing up at Anaheim Angels games and affecting theoutcome for the better. They end up winning the pennant and Rogar (the manager)ends up adopting Roger (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and his friend J.P. As far as baseball movies go, I don’t thinkit stacks up in comparison to the classics, but it’s still an entertaining filmthat provides hope to the hopeless. (D.C)

Major League

This movie is the bigbang of baseball comedies. There were none before and there have been nonesince that will match it’s perfect comedic prowess. With a cast of oddballcharacters they set out to prove their bitch of an owner wrong and win the pennant.Before Charlie Sheen was "Winning" and drinking tiger blood, he wasplaying one of my favorite sports characters ever, “Wild Thing” Rick Vaughn (healso was on steroids) . With a dominant fastball and an attitude tomatch, he takes the MLB by storm and also by hitting batters in the head. Thismovie at its core is so character driven that you walk away wishing that WillieMays Hayes actually existed, and believe you me with Jose Reyes gone there isno one I want more leading off for the Mets right now, and he’s a fictionalcharacter. Jake Taylor playing the catcher who never got the big payday butloves the game so much he ends up pushing away the only woman to ever love him.With one of the classic endings in all baseball movies, they win the pennantwith a suicide squeeze. What else wouldexpect from this team. (N.M)

Bull Durham

For all you tweensthat read The Weave and are asking what about Summer Catch, starring FreddiePrinz Jr. the answer is keep dreaming. Bull Durham was the first of its kind toshow what it’s like to play in the minor leagues. The old whore who sleepsaround with the newest members of the team, beautifully done by Susan Sarandon.The old vet who never made it the majors, Crash Davis, played by Kevin Costner, hasto teach the young stud the real way to play ball and be a professional. Itwill always remind me that you can’t be successful if you’re all arm and nohead. (N.M)

-miggs/fresh/strawn

Super Bowl X(LVI) Factors

2012-02-02T11:44:00.001-05:00

With the Super Bowl just three days away, you would be hard pressed to find an angle or story that hasn’t already been covered in some facet. The extra week in between conference championship games and the Super Bowl allows for lots of over hyped speculation, predictions and statements. That’s why in this column I’m going to shy away from the conventional Brady, Manning, Belichick, rematch story lines, and instead talk about some of the under the radar X-factor players that I feel could prove to be the difference makers come Sunday.

For the Giants, look for the sleeping Giant, Jake Ballard, to awake from his quiet playoff slumber and make some big plays for Big Blue. The undrafted free agent out of Ohio State has just three catches for 33 yards in three post season games thus far, however he played his best football of the season back in week 9 against these very same Patriots up at Gillette Stadium. In that game he had four catches for 67 yards, including the game winning touchdown with under a minute left to play. One of the reasons he will be able to expose New England’s defense come Sunday is because the Pat’s, notoriously weak in their secondary as it is, will be forced to devote the majority of their attention on stopping the Giant’s 3-headed monster receiving core of Hakeem Nicks, Victor Cruz and Mario Manningham. Someone is going to be open for Eli on Sunday, and look for Ballard to be the beneficiary.

On the opposing sideline, look for the NFL’s league leader in receptions, Wes Welker, to continue his string of dominance. He had 136 receiving yards the first time these two teams squared off, and with Brady’s safety blanket Rob Gronkowski possibly slowed down by a high ankle sprain (he hasn’t practiced since the Baltimore game), Welker should be primed to pick up the slack across the middle. New York’s secondary has far exceeded anyone’s expectations in these playoffs, but containing Welker is a task that is much easier said than done. During the regular season he eclipsed the 110 yard receiving mark in 50% of his teams games, and although his numbers are down this postseason, don’t expect them to stay that way.

The outcome of Super Bowl XLVI will by no means be determined by the production of these two players alone. Football is the ultimate team sports, and both victory and defeat rest in the hands and actions of many men. However, keep an eye out for these two X-factors come kickoff, because for better or worse, both of these players will be leaving everything they've got on the field in Indianapolis.

-fresh (@danye33)

Adam Sandler To Star In Movie Based Off The Hasbro's Board Game "Candy Land"

2012-02-01T12:55:00.001-05:00

(Movie Phone) According to Variety, Sandler's production company, Happy Madison, is in final talks with Hasbro to develop a movie based on the classic board game "Candy Land," with Sandler set to star. For those unaware of Candy Land, it was first developed in 1949. The board game took children through wonderful lands made up of candy, such as Peppermint Forest, Lollypop Woods and Gumdrop Mountains.

I have a feeling this effort will fall somewhere between "Jack & Jill" and "You Don't Miss With The Zohan" on the shitty Sandler movie spectrum. Look, I get it. He has kids, more disposable income than any man could ever dream of and he wants to make movies that his youngins can enjoy.

But one thing I don't get is how the fuck you play "Candy Land" these days? A few friends and I tried turning it into a drinking game a couple of summers back and we couldn't for the life of us understand what we were supposed to be doing. You just flip a card and then move to the next space with that color on it. Occasionally, you draw a characters face and you get to go directly to them. Which is fine, except for the fact that if you draw the Gloppy the Molasses Monster card you're automatically placed just a few spaces away from the finish line. In short- whoever gets that card wins. It's bullshit.

Give me Monopoly everyday of the week and twice on Sundays.

-fresh (@danye33)

5 Busted In LSD Ring At Drexel University

2012-02-01T12:31:00.000-05:00

(NBC) Two Drexel students are among the five people arrested and accused of operating a "huge" LSD ring on the campus of Drexel University. Investigators said the drug ring was likely going on for about a year before they were able to break it up. The three non-students accused of masterminding the operation were taking home anywhere from $5,000 to $15,000 a week. One of the Drexel students began cooperating with police earlier this month after he was arrested in Upper Moreland on marijuana and gun charges. That student led investigators to a second Drexel student accused of being the campus supplier for the operation. He too became a confidential informant, allowing investigators to record phone calls of drug transactions. In an overnight raid on Florence Street, drug agents confiscated 9,500 hits of LSD worth about $28,000 on the street, according to the DA.

Ten thousand tabs?! As they say on Sportscenter “Welcome tothe big show!”. To be honest I can’tbelieve there’s such a big market for acid these days. Sure I have a fewfriends who’ve tried it, but if these guys were moving thousands of hits a weekthat means more or less everyone in Philly has been chillen up in the sky withLucy.

I spent the night at Dexel once back in high school. We weredown in Philly for the Lax Final Four (aka strictly there to binge drink) andended up getting my buddies cousin written up for drinking in her dorm room. Seemed like they ran a pretty tight ship downthere. It was also all of a three minutewalk into the ghetto and I remember the path we took back to her dorm after theparty was commonly referred to as “rape road”. Probably the last place on EarthI would ever want to hallucinate.

And what’s up with the kid who snitched getting busted withweed and guns? I would expect an acid dealer to go to a Disco Biscuit show, nottote an actual biscuit. Anyway, you gotta love the designs on these tabs. I mean how could you say no to a multicolored Hawaiian Punch dude saying "SHAZAM"? You can't.

Marketing 101- give the people what they want.

-fresh (@danye33)

GQ Names Pleasantville, New York, The Second Best Smelling City In The World

2012-01-31T14:36:00.000-05:00

(GQ) 2. Pleasantville, NY

Money changes the smell of everything, and wealthy towns where people who want to flee New York's asphalt canyons go to have gardens and lawns have scents as restricted as the covenants guarding their real estate values. Maple, oak, and pine smell cyclically different as the seasons turn, and Pleasantville's scent is based on these trees and their leaves at all stages—green, yellow, dead brown, and budding. When you close your eyes you get grass and then the smell of "America as it was," whenever that might mean for your nose. If Normal Rockwell's paintings emitted a scent, this is what it would be.

So the old P-Vegas is the second best smelling city in the ENTIRE WORLD huh? How is that even measurable? I mean don't get me wrong, I'll take the recognition. Anything to help property value, right? I guess I've just taken my crystal clear oxygen for granted these past twenty years. Not going to lie, that "America as it was" line really hits home though. I guess America as it was smelt like marijuana, pizza and nail polish.

Pleasantville = this?

-fresh (@danye33)

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhen...

2012-01-31T12:39:00.002-05:00

Anyone on the twitterverse has seen it, the #thatawkwardmomentwhen trend. People detailing the awkward moments of their lives. To be honest, a lot of things are awkward but here is a list I came up with of what would truly be, the most awkward moment.

5) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you read a tweet about someone's awkward moment and it's clearly referring to you

Extreme awkwardness here. It may not seem like it but take a second and think about it. You know that whatever moment they are referring to was already awkward to begin with, and it involved you. You walk away like "well that was awkward" and try to forget about it. Then BOOM, immediately after a tweet about how awkward it actually was coming from that person and now everyone knows. Kicking the level of awkwardness up a notch.

4) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you see your one night stand from last night out again the next night

Prototypical awkward moment here. You guys make eye contact, no one knows what to do, especially if there was some drunk sloppy sex the night before, possibly a blackout or two involved. Maybe she doesn't look as good as she did last night when you were 15 jack and cokes deep? Do you give the courteous hello and small talk? Do you just avoid her? Do you try and bring her home again? What if she's with a different guy? Just so many additional factors to increase the level of awkwardness.

3) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you're talking shit about someone and they're standing right behind you

We've all seen it in the movies. Someone is talking shit, possibly screaming about the other person. Then the person talking shit finally realizes through a series of cues that the the person who is the brunt of all the shit talking is directly behind the shit talker. Then they turn around. Never actually happened to me in real life but I feel this has to be extremely awkward. At the very least there's a verbal confrontation, possibly a physical scuffle, maybe a ruined friendship.

2) #thatawkwardmomentwhen someone farts in a room full of people and everyone looks to you

Always awkward especially if you didn't fart. If you were the perpetrator, its more or less just embarrassing rather than awkward but if you didn't do it, so awkward. All these thoughts running through your head like "why do they think its me", you're sitting there trying to blame other people to prove that it's not you. If it's particularly raunchy people are plugging their noses, possibly leaving the room or passing out where they stand. Even worse if it's in front of girls.

DRUMROLL

1) #thatawkwardmomentwhen you walk in on your parents having sex

Most awkward moment possible. Never happened to me but what could possibly be more awkward than this? Family dinners will never be the same. Images engraved in your head. Possible nightmares. Parents don't even know how to approach you afterwards. Afraid to even give them hugs anymore. If there's a more awkward moment than this please, someone, let me know.

-Bacon

Toss Up! Dunk of the Weekend- King James or the Blake Show?

2012-01-31T11:16:00.002-05:00

or

It's a good thing LeBron's dunk happened first so he could at least have a couple of days to bask in the lime light. Because once Big Daddy Blake showed up to this dunk party it was a wrap. Lebron's oop was insane but at the end of the day John Lucas is only 5'11. Kendrick Perkins is a 6'10 enforcer and Griffin just tea-bagged him like a cup of Lipton.

Somewhere out there Tina-Fey Mosgov is cackling and rolling a blunt.

-fresh (@danye33)

Zach Strawn Takes You Into "The Grey"

2012-01-27T19:15:00.002-05:00

Once more into the fray,
Into the last good fight I’ll ever know,
Live and die on this day ...
Live and die on this day ...

If one looks at ‘The Grey’ and sees Liam Neeson kicking wolf ass, you’d be correct. Perception is our reality. We tend to know the thespian Neeson as Oscar Schindler, Rhas al Ghul, Qui Gon Jin, Rob Roy, Darkman and an overall resident badass. Neeson has become so ingrained as a contemporary yet grittier Steve McQueen that with ‘Taken’ and ’Unknown’ we expect him to unleash his animal rage and kill wolves using MacGyver –esque nuances. And let’s be honest, when we see Liam run at the wolves with mini-liquor bottles between his knuckles, our own carnal ambitions come forward and all of a sudden we become Michael Vick. Fuck those wolves. I went into this film expecting the typical man vs. beast flick that translates so well in ‘The Edge’ and ‘Jaws’. What I got was so much more.

Very rarely do movies leave you feeling so overwhelmed with thought and contemplation that you want to just sit down in a dark corner and polish off a bottle of Woodford Reserve by yourself. Ok, maybe that just happens to me, but ‘The Grey’ is an intense sermon. It’s a last prayer in the religion of survival and a hymn to the resounding belief that we all can overcome obstacles if we keep fighting. Neeson draws upon the emotion of his wife and her memory as we collect his characters flaws and core. Another flashback is between him and his father. Ironically, Neeson draws upon the happiest memories he has in the most perilous of situations he’s a part of. It lends us to see an acceptance of death. He’s willing to succumb, but why doesn’t he?

It is a survival story. Seven men survive a plane crash and decide to hike out of the Alaskan tundra as wolves begin to attack them and weaken their union. A colorful cast of characters keep ‘The Grey’ fresh with diversity of opinion, beliefs, and personalities. Conflicts between some of the men and... how a few of them meet their end... remind us that we all approach stress... and the end of our lives in very different ways. Some pass away in the quiet of the night, some quit, some try, but fall up shirt.... and then there are those who despite all hardship, keep fighting. It’s a powerful allegory for the times we live in. If this film feels like its summed up in the entire line of ‘No Fear’ t-shirts... you could be right. But the power of resiliency is arguably one of the most inspiring attributes an individual can possess. We all have to ask why Neeson keeps fighting, and its certainly open for interpretation... but we know that he is at peace... being at war.

We all have wolves in our lives, we have blizzards, and rivers blocking our path. We have experienced crashes and survived dire straights. With death (and taxes) being the only certainty the rest of us will all experience... it seems that we all have a choice. As the poem Neeson recites frequently throughout the film ends... our choice is relatively clear....

Live and die on this day ...

-Zach

Zach writes for the blog "Shoot From The Hip"

Jose Canseco Is Handling Retirement Well... Just Kidding, He’s Now Begging The Boston Red Sox For A Try Out Via Twitter

2012-01-27T12:17:00.002-05:00

Instead of opting for the more tradition resume/interviewroute to seek employment, our favorite scorned tweeter has taken to the keyboard in his latest attempt to make a comeback to the big show. This timearound his team of choice is the Boston Red Sox, who last I checked, weren’t inthe market for a 47 year old rat who hasn’t played professionally in over adecade (No, Yuma doesn’t count). He claims to have batted .350 lifetime with 1HR for every 9 plate appearances in his career at Fenway. Not sure if there is anyway to verify these numbers, but if I were Jose, I wouldn't quit my day job.

Oh that's right, he doesn't have one...

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Hockey Edition)

2012-01-25T15:58:00.000-05:00

Last week we went 12rounds with cinema heavyweights and only one film stood tall, and brain damaged,screaming at the top of his lungs "ADRIEN!!!!." The winner was RockyIV, proving that the 2 Man Weave does not have any Russian readers.Rocky IV landed one of those wild hay-makers that sounds like a whipcracking on the rest of the opposition by grabbing 37% of the vote.Once again the winner that the readers of the weave have selected may not havebeen the most critically acclaimed of the group, but it was certainlydeserving nonetheless.

We now move on to thenext division of films in this tournament to crown the Best Sports Movie of All-Time.This time we’re here to break down the only films on the list to take place ona big sheet of ice. That's right Hockey, the sport from up north. Hockey is theonly legitimate team sport that allows fighting in the middle of thegame. It also has some of the greatest underdog stories to ever occur in sports,both in real life and on the big screen.

Miracle

When the general public thinks about the greatest moments in hockey history, you’ll be hard pressed to find an answer that isn't the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team. Simple known as the " Miracle on ice" this might not just be the best hockey moment ever, but the best sports moment of all time. It would be pretty hard to create a better story than this one. That's why "Miracle" is such an amazing sports movie in the first place. This is one of the very rare occasions where a true story ends up being more unbelievable than a made up screenplay could ever be. A group of young unknowns college kids take down the Titans the sport. Just like Rocky IV, Mother Russia is challenged once again by a smaller and less physically imposing opponent. The hardest part of this movie is trying to figure out what the hell half of the players are saying, and they are AMERICAN. The Beantown accents are a plenty in this one. This movie will jack you up and make you want to skate around your local rink with blood all over your face and a American Flag draped on your back during some poor little girls birthday party and you’ll do it AGAIN....AGAIN......AGAIN....AGAIN. (N.M.)

Mighty Ducks

The premise of thismovie could be very dark if you think about it. Scumbag lawyer gets a DUI andis forced to take a group of kids and turn them into a championship hockeysquad against their will. But it’s a Disney movie so everyone is happy andeverything works out in the end. First off this was made when Emelio Estevezwas a legitimate movie star, oh how far we have come. This movie played every stereotypeto the T- it has the CAPTAIN (CHARLIE CONWAY), THE BLACK KID (JESSE HALL,HE WAS ALSO THE BLACK KID IN SANDLOT). The New/Rich kid (ADAM BANKS) and thekid I always got compared too or pigeon holed into THE FAT KID (GOLDBERG). Thisconsummate rag tag group of kids will face-off against the dreaded Hawks. Theformer team of Coach Bombay and the creepiest part is that his coach is stillhanging around little kids all the time. This was and still is one of myfavorite movies of all time. It is so ingrained in my thought process of sportsthat when I play NHL 12 and have a breakaway I always triple deke and alwaysMAKE HIM MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. It’s the same reason whenever a room goes quite Ifeel the need to start a good slow cheer, QUACK QUACK QUACK. (N.M.)

Mighty Ducks 2

The quack attack came back with a sequel for the ages. They added lovable newcomers like Julie “The cat” Gavin, BashBrother Dean Portman, Cowboy DwayneRobertson, Ken Wu and the knuckle pucker- Russ Tyler. The Ducks wereinexplicably chosen to represent America in the Junior Goodwill games, wherethey faced off against the evil Iceland for the Gold. Some highlightsfrom this film include the gang roller blading through the Mall of American,the Bash Brother’s rocking out to BTO's “You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yet”, The Iceland coach blatantlycheap shot Esteves in front of both teams yet no one came to defend his honor,the boys shopping for Bikini’s on Rodeo Drive and Team Trinidad’s iconictie-dyed jerseys. Vote for this movie if you love America. (D.C.)

Slap Shot

The saddest part ofthis movie is that it’s going to get the least amount of votes. Just from theway the voters have been selecting over the past couple of weeks I don’t thinkthis movie has a shot (pun intended). It’s sad because of how awesome thismovie is. It’s what major league and Bill Durham were to baseball, this movieis everything and more to hockey. Paul Newman plays the old hockey veteran thatis still holding on for dear life, to a career that just never took off. Hetakes a newcomer, Ned, under his wings and shows him the way Minor Leaguehockey is supposed to be played. That somehow convinces Ned that in the finalgame of the year he needs to strip down to his jock strap and skate around therink. This among countless classic moments including anytime the original Hansonbrothers (not those pussy Mmmbop Hanson’s) make an appearance on screen makes foreverengraved this movie into the sports comedy bible. (N.M.)

MYSTERY ALASKA

Have you and yourfriends ever played a game of outdoor backyard hockey and thought to yourselves“Yea, we can beat the New York Rangers”? The answer is no, unless you live inMystery, Alaska. That is exactly what happens in one of the few films inRussell Crowe's career that he doesn't kill tons of people. The most realisticpart of this movie is that when the Rangers come to the small town they start bangingeveryone’s wife including the mayors. Also, it’s realistic in the fact that arec hockey team would never beat The Rangers and neither did this fictionalteam. (N.M.)

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Hockey movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Page!!!

***BONUS***

SUDDEN DEATH

Simply Put its DIEHARD ON ICE. The final scene is a helicopter crashing through a stadium intothe ice itself. (N.M.)

YOUNG BLOOD

A baby faced Rob Lowe playsDean Youngblood, a talented young hockey player, trying to figure out the gamein the minors. It’s a pretty sick movie that isn’t mentioned a lot but thefinal fight scene is ridiculous because they end up using their sticks like medievalswords. (N.M.)

-Miggs

Dolan Pulled The Trigger, And It Backfired

2012-01-25T10:30:00.000-05:00

Last February the Garden was a temple of hope. The Knicks were steadily clinging to the brighter side of .500 for the first time in almost a decade and their rag tag group of over achievers were doing just that, overachieving. They were winning the games that they were supposed to win, and every now and then they'd steal one from a contender, proving that these were no longer the same bottom feeder Knickerbockers that fans had unfortunately come to expect. Their center was playing at an All-NBA level, they had a potent offense, a solid floor general and a nice rotating cast of interchangeable wings that each brought unique skill sets to the table. A foundation had been put in place, and for the first time in a long time, the future looked bright in the big city.

You know that old saying "the grass is always greener on the other side"? Well multiply it by ten and that's New York sports fans, and more specifically, New York sports management, in a nut shell. Nothing is ever good enough, moves must always be made, your team can always "improve" somehow. So when it became evident around the All-Star break last season that Carmelo Anthony would not sign an extension with the Denver Nuggets, Knicks owner James Dolan knew this was his chance to land himself a second superstar, and he would not let that opportunity pass him by.

On the surface there is no way the Knicks should have ever been in a position where the negotiating ball wasn't in their court. Carmelo wanted New York just as badly as New York wanted him. During negotiations he even implied that he would sign there as a free agent (for less money than the max extension that only Denver could offer) in the summer of 2011 if a deal didn't get worked out before the deadline. But then some rumors started to fly, most notably Andrew Bynum for Melo, and Dolan began to inch closer and closer to that dreaded panic button.

Donnie Walsh, the team's GM at the time, took a more cautious approach, advising the team to hold out for a fair offer or test their luck in the free agent market that summer. Donnie had been brought in to make up for the decade of incompetence that had taken place before his arrival, and worried that by showing their poker hand too early, Dolan would go all in. After all, stars sell in this league, and it's not every day you get the chance to send out two of the games most recognizable figures onto the court, night in and night out, for years to come.

So sure enough, against the wishes of the team's General Manager, Dolan signed off on a pre-deadline deal that sent rising star Danilo Gallinari, starters Wilson Chandler and Raymond Felton, along with Timofey Mosgov and a first round pick to the Denver Nuggets for Carmelo Anthony and some pieces. It was a rushed decision, but one that could certainly be justified. The Knicks had pulled the trigger.

And it backfired.

The Carmelo Anthony experiment thus far has been a roller coaster of mundane highs and far too many lows. Hell, in Melo's first month alone the team went on a seven game winning streak and a six game losing streak. Amar'e's production dropped significantly, Fields became a shell of himself and lack of depth became a crippling factor that would ultimately lead to their demise. They got swept by a decaying Boston team, a series that saw them get blown out in two laughers on their own court.

Promises were made. "Next year we'll be back better than ever". We had heard it all before. Then the lockout happened, quickly halting any opportunity for the team to gel together over the summer months. After a deal between the owners and players union was finally made in early December, the shortened free agency period began and the Knicks wasted no time in using their amnesty clause on their only true point guard (Chauncey Billups). This allowed them to then go after a lifetime 8ppg-8rpg center for the steep price of $14 million per year (Chandler) to anchor a non-existent defensive unit. The signing wasn't bad on paper, but then you realized that their coach, Mike D'Antoni, known for his fast paced, seven seconds or less offense, was heading into this season without a true point guard, a center who's useless offensively outside of ten feet and a still unsettled, ever growing, alpha dog battle between Carmelo and Amar'e.

Which leads us to present day, where the Knicks currently sit in eighth place in the Eastern Conference, a mere half game ahead of the Bucks and the lowly Cavaliers. Including the playoffs, the Knicks are 21-27 since trading for their superstar forward, Carmelo Anthony. In that same stretch, the Nuggets are 30-16 (12-5 on the year). Last year these two teams finished first and second in points per game (Den 107.5, NYK 106.5). This year not much has changed for the Nuggets, who remain tops in the league in that category at 105+, while the Knicks have regressed all the way down to 94.3.

This is due largely in part to the Knicks horrific shooting woes. In fact, only the Sacramento Kings boast a worse shooting percentage than the orange and blue. The main culprit so far has been the aforementioned Carmelo, who is shooting a career worst 40% from the field on 21+ shots per game, 6 more attempts per than Stoudemire. Meanwhile, while playing for the Knicks West in Denver, Gallinari is putting up career best in points, rebounds, assists, shooting percentage and blocks as he makes his strong case for his first of many All-Star appearances.

For New York the excuses have been plentiful, and although some have been warranted, it can't be overstated enough that the Knicks put themselves in this position, and have no one else to blame for their ineptitudes. By not calling Denver's bluff eleven months ago, the Knicks essentially chose their own fate. Had they waited the situation out, their best case scenario would have been playing the 2012 season with Amar'e, Melo (With Curry/Jeffries off the book, they would have been able to afford to give Melo a max contract last summer), Gallinari, Chandler, Felton, Mosgov, Douglas, Fields, Shumpert and Harrellson.
The worst case scenario would have been bringing back that same early 2011 nucleus (a nucleus that went 28-26 as a unit), with a mid-level free agent (think Kris Humpries and his 10 rpg at $8 mil) and ample cap room to make a run at Dwight or Deron Williams in summer of 2012. Now the fate of their season rests in the hands, and stomach, of Baron Davis.

By now it's painfully obvious that at the very least the Amar'e/Carmelo duo is not playing out as originally hoped. The offense looks stale, Melo is chucking and Amar'e is disappearing late in games for the first time in his career. It could be the coach, it could be the (lack thereof a) point guard, it could be something as simple as not even having a full year to get used to playing with each other. Whatever the reason ends up being, they owe it to the players to let this thing play out.

If I could go back in time would I "ok" the Melo deal? No. But we can't go back in time (yet, at least) so for now I think what's best for the Knicks would be to work with what they've already got. I don't think it's fair to dangle Amar'e's name out there like a carrot every time a disgruntled superstar requests to be traded off their team. You, James Dolan, made your grave, now it's time to lay in it. Or better yet, dig your team out of it! A foolproof way of doing this would be by surrounding your stars with capable, or at the very least competent, role players and a coach who knows how to run a set offense. Figure out who the go to guy is on this team, make it known, but also explain how important whoever the #2 is to whomever it ends up being, and how crucial they are to the teams ultimate success. This guessing game we're in the midst of now isn't going to fix itself without some leadership and guidance from up top.

One last word of advice for James Dolan- at the very least let the gun powder wash off your hands before pulling the trigger again.

-fresh (@danye33)

"Shit Drake Says" Actually Made Me Laugh

2012-01-24T18:56:00.000-05:00

Not going to lie, this is only the second "Sh*t People Say" video that I've seen. Been avoiding these suckers like the black plague and to be honest I'm not really sure why. I guess I just assumed that were corny if everybody else was obsessing over them. Oh well, I'll take the L on this one, and will be sure to post any other favorites that I come across. The floodgates have officially been opened.

-fresh (@danye33)

Weave Gotcha Covered- Jeffrey Gaines "In Your Eyes"

2012-01-24T17:48:00.001-05:00

Much like its predecessors Music Videos That Don't Suck and Awesome 90's Songs You May Have Forgotten, Weave Gotcha Covered is a new music feature we'll be putting out from time to time to shine some light on our favorite musical covers from years past. How many times do you end up listening to a cover a think "Whoa, this blows the original out of the water?" I'd say this happens roughly 8% of the time, but when it does, god damn it can be good. Our inaugural installment features Jeffrey Gaines covering Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes." This song was immortalized by John Cusack's boombox toting performance in the classic 80's film Say Anything. Gaines' cover does this song justice and then some, as he beats away on his 6 string like it owes him money.

-fresh (@danye33)

Let's See How The People Of Happy Valley Are Coping With The Death Of Their Favorite Child Rapist Protector, Shall We?

2012-01-23T16:36:00.001-05:00

You're right, I'm sure the lung cancer had nothing to do with it.

"Let us light one candle for each child....."

Don't be sad, Burger King is going to start testing home delivery!

Love this bro's eyes closed, fake cry swag. Totally milking it in an attempt to get some sympathy pussy later.

Straight tears, not saying a word. Staying true to the Joe Pa way!

Joe Pa wanted us to believe that he had never heard of "Rape and a man".

Those glasses look like a drooping ball sack. Well done!

images courtesy of SI

Giants-Pats Set For Super Rematch

2012-01-23T12:32:00.001-05:00

For the second timein just four years, the New England Patriots and New York Giants will be facingoff for a shot a Super Bowl glory and the highly coveted Vince Lombardi trophy. Although many of the central pieces remain from that February 2008 duel,including quarterbacks Tom Brady & Eli Manning and coaches Bill Belichick & Tom Coughlin, this time aroundthe script has changed. No longer are the Patriots the undefeated, doubletouchdown favorites, world beaters that they once were. In fact it's the Giantswon this match-up when these two teams faced off in week 9, prevailing 24-20 inweek 9, in a thriller that set the stage for this colossal rematch.

Admittedly,both teams needed a stroke of good fortune to advance on Sunday. For thePatriots it was Billy Cundiff,who missed a 32 yard field goal for the Baltimore Ravens in the closing secondsof regulation, essentially sealing the deal for New England. Had the kick gonein, we would have been looking at overtime. Instead, the Pats won 23-20.

The Giants good fortune came at the expense of Kyle Williams, the secondyear wide-out for San Francisco. Filling in for the injured Ted Ginn Jr., Williams fumbled twice fieldingpunts, including a crucial drop in overtime that led to the game winning fieldgoal by Lawrence Tynes. Journey man and special teams expert, Devin Thomas,recovered both fumbles for Big Blue, the games only turnovers. The latterrecovery, coming in overtime, gave the Giants possession at the S.F.24 yard line, barring eerie similarities to when they interceptedBrett Favre in overtime of the 2008 NFCChampionship, setting them up for a game winning drive at the Packers 34.

Withthe win, Eli Manning became the winningest road playoff quarterback of all-time,and Tom Coughlin tied former Cowboys coach Tom Landryfor most road playoff victories with seven. For the Patriots, it's just more of thesame- as this marks their fifth AFC title in a dozen years. However, it'sthe unfinished business from Super Bowl XLII that still looms heavy over any pre-titlecelebration.

Things will certainly bedifferent this time around. One example of this is the emergence ofRob Gronkowski and Aaron Hernandez, two deadly tightends that have helped elevate New England's offense to never before seenheights. For the Giants, their staple of getting a strong four man pass rushremains, it's just the players that have changed, with Jason Pierre-Paul filling the void left by Michael Strahan nicely. And despite not having David Tyree there tomake any game saving helmet catches, they will have Victor Cruz, and Giants fans are perfectly fine with that.

-fresh (@danye33)

Just Touch It Dave! Eddy Curry Makes Triumphant Return To The Hardwood (Pun Intended)

2012-01-20T13:59:00.001-05:00

(Roto World) Eddy Curry, who is said to have been as large as 400 pounds at times in the past few years, stepped on an NBA court for the first time since 2009 and finished with six points on 2-of-3 shooting with three rebounds in six minutes.

In honor my favorite ~~bank robber~~ fat ass making his return to the N.B.A. last night, I figured now would be an appropriate time to dig up my favorite article the NY Post has ever published. It's from January 13th, 2009, titled "Guy Driver: Eddy Curry Put Moves On Me". It talks, in graphic detail, of Curry's alleged sexual come on's towards his ex-limo driver, Dave Kutchinsky. I dare you to read the following excerpt and not laugh. You can't.

"Knicks center Eddy Curry was slapped with a shocking sex-harassment suit Monday by his former driver, who claims the 6-foot-11 hoopster tried to solicit gay sex from him.
The stunning court papers claim Curry, a married father of three, repeatedly approached chauffeur David Kuchinsky "in the nude," allegedly telling him, "Look at me, Dave, look" and "Come and touch it, Dave."

Curry also made Kuchinsky perform "humiliating tasks outside the scope of his employment, such as cleaning up and removing dirty towels [Curry had ejaculated into] so that his wife would not see them," the Manhattan federal court suit says.

Kuchinsky, who is straight and Jewish, also alleges racial discrimination, saying that Curry hurled slurs at him including "f---ing Jew," "cracker," "white slave," "white devil" and "grandmaster of the KKK."

Kuchinsky further claims in his suit that Curry pointed a "fully loaded" gun at him on at least two separate occasions to keep him from complaining about his treatment.

"Look, I have one in the chamber," Curry allegedly said.

Kuchinsky, who worked for Curry from October 2005 through October 2008, says he was initially hired as an around-the-clock chauffeur for Curry and his family at their Burr Ridge, Ill., mansion.

But shortly after starting work, he soon found his duties fell well outside his job description and "progressively became Curry's "house-boy,'" his suit says. He is seeking $98,000 plus compensatory damages from the injured Knick, whose contract pays him $9.4 million this year. Kuchinsky says he is owed $68,000 in unpaid wages, as well as $25,000 in expenses for which Curry never repaid him.

"Instead of paying him, they discriminated against him, figuring that it would keep him there," said Kuchinsky's lawyer, Matthew Blit. "Imagine going into your boss's office ... and he stands up and drops his pants and he asks you take care of him. Those actions are unacceptable whether it's in a corporate office or a private home."

Curry, who has played just 2 minutes, 38 seconds this season because of knee injuries, declined to comment late Monday in New Orleans, where he was expected to sit out the Knicks' game against the Hornets."

Have a good weekend crackers!

-fresh (@danye33)

This Is Why I'm Not Afraid Of San Fran Heading Into The NFC Title Game

2012-01-20T13:30:00.000-05:00

This duo starts out real strong, then they crashed and burned worse than the Hindenburg. Kind of like how that 13-3 regular season record won't mean jack once the 49ers lose on Sunday to Big Blue. It's all about how you finish people. 60 minutes of hell and these guys just don't have it in them.

Somebody do me a favor and cue the Cruz Salsa Dance!

-fresh (@danye33)

Things I Would Rather Do Than Go See The New Tom Hanks 9/11 Scavenger Hunt Movie

2012-01-20T08:23:00.000-05:00

Masturbate with sand paper
Scrub Khloe Kardashian's rolls (not unlike the way you would a Bull Dog's wrinkles)
Trade eyes with Michelle Bachmann
Listen to the complete discography of Owl City
Go to the Gathering of the Juggalos
Get this tattoo
Move to Mobile, Alabama (and try to catch the leprechaun)
Be Eddy Curry's limo driver for a full calender year
Hire Casey Anthony to babysit my first born child
Play on or around the third rail
Be forced to audibly say the phrase "LOL" everytime I wanted to laugh
Trade Dwight Howard for Emeka Okafor in my fantasy league
Get drunk exclusively off wine coolers
Take a shower with Jerry Sandusky
Shave the maid in Billy Madison's arm pits
Trade in my iPhone for a Startac
Get date raped by Casper from Kids
Never trim my pubes again
Hire Lindsay Lohan as my DD
Box Manny Pacquiao
Let Rosie O'Donnell sit on my face after a 6 mile jog
Support SOPA
Only use single ply toilet paper
Split a crave case with the Numa Numa guy
Ask a celebrity for a "RT" on my birthday

So yea, in short, I would never go see this shitty movie.

-fresh (@danye33)

Who Wants To See Gus Johnson Announcing The Rape Of A Teddy Bear By An English Bulldog?

2012-01-19T07:15:00.000-05:00

I know this video is old but to be honest I couldn't care less. I was searching through some of my old YouTube favorites this morning and came across this gem that was too awesome not to post. It's from May of 2010, which if you don't remember, was the Year of Gus. The guy absolutely owned March Madness that spring with catch phrases like "Rise and fire", "BAM!", "Instant classic!" and "Whatta game!'. Hands down my favorite part of this video is when "One Shining Moment", the staple song that signifies the end of the tournament each year, starts playing and it's just a close up of this dogs doofy ass, deer-in-the-headlights face. Had to run this back like 6x and each time I laughed harder than before.

-fresh (@danye33)

Sports Movie Showdown (Boxing Edition)

2012-01-18T15:46:00.001-05:00

We’re back like Jordanwearing the four-five in our quest to find the best sports movie of all-time. Lastweek’s Basketball poll proved to be a bitter debate between substance over thenostalgia. Turns out the fans of The Weave said “Fuck Substance give me SPACEJAM”. Space Jam (37%) edged out White Men Can’t Jump and He Got Game (23.5% each).Don't get me wrong I loves me a little Loony Tune on NBA action butwe’re talking about THE BEST here. I added it to the list knowing that it wouldbe a crowd favorite but to be honest I didn't think it would win. Iunderestimated how much people actually do connect with a 3ft tall animatedbunny over a semi-true story of an underdog basketball team from Indiana (i.e.Hoosiers got Hosed). This in no way, shape or form is a knock on Space Jam, Ijust don't think it is the best basketball movie of all-time. Butlike they say “that’s why we play the game” and at the end of the dayit doesn't matter what I think, it matters what YOU people vote for.Keep in mind when you are voting that each movie that wins it’s respective categorywill be placed into the running in our final poll to select the BEST SPORTSMOVIE OF ALL-TIME.

This week we hit themat with the Sweet Science. Yes folks boxing, the most refined way to beat thefuck out of somebody for a payday. Boxing is amazing for the fact that two guyswill stand in a square across from each other and just punch and be punched withoutactually breaking out into an all out brawl (although sometimes it leads to a spontaneousmeal, cough cough Iron Mike). What makes boxing such a great sport for a movieis the drama that goes into a fight between two men, both of which are probablypaying for 3 alimony checks and or to support their addiction (i.e. drugs,gambling or whores). This heightened drama is brought out by the factthat no boxer is ever normal, most of them are usually fucked up andare fighting to keep themselves out of jail and or trying to support a familyduring the great depression. The boxing category is far and away ourmost critically acclaimed, with many of the below films nabbing multiple Oscarvictories. DING DING DING! Here are our nominees.

Rocky

We start off withthe original Heavyweight Champ- Rocky. This is the first Boxing Movieto win the big one. It won the 1976 Best Picture award at the Oscar’s and simultaneous changedthe direction of Sly Stallone's career from soft-core porn starto legitimate movie Star. This movie is the framework for anystory of a fictional, down on his luck boxer, looking for his big break. He isfound by an old, and I mean old,boxing trainer Mick, played by Burgess Meredith, the guy who played penguin inthe original batman movie from the 60's. Together this pairing tookthe boxing world by storm. Enter Apollo Creed, played by Carl Weathers, who islooking to fill his New Years Day bout card with an unknown localunderdog. He selects Rocky on the basis of Rocky's nick name, The Italian Stallion,which oddly enough sounds like it might have been Stallone's porno name before hittingit big. In the end, Rocky loses this classic bout to Apollo that nearly goesthe distance. A battered and bloody Rocky screams at the top of his lungs forthe one thing he truly cares about- ADRIENNNNNN. It’s such a simple underdogstory that resonates with everyone. Everybody just wants that one chance toprove that they can hang with the best, and that’s what Rocky did for SIXFUCKING MOVIES. After numerous sequels and a shit ton of dough, this movie hashad such an impact on our social conscience that Philadelphia actuallybuilt a statue resembling the one in the movie. Joe Frazier is from Philadelphia,and is a real boxer, yet Philly opted to immortalize the fictional Stallone characterinstead. THAS RAYCESS… Personally, my fav is Rocky III, but this one broughthome the hardware and started it all. This movie eats lighting and crapsthunder, just like Mick said. (-N.M.)

Raging Bull

In one of the greatest all-time Oscar snubs Raging Bull lost a bout to Ordinary People, a movie none of us have ever seen or will see inour future. Raging Bull on the other hand is a how-to on how to make anincredible boxing film. I'm not just saying this because Marty Scorsese is mysecond cousins great uncle (true story) but because it legitimately is consideredby many as not only the best boxing movie, or the best sports movie, but simply one of the best films ever made. Dinero won best actor for his rolebecause of his incredible transformation into the character Jake Lamatta. Before Christian Bale was sucking weight for some indie flick or Hugh Jackman was buffing up for Wolverine, Dinero did it first . Dinero has claimed to have gained close to 60 poundsto play the fat version of Jake Lamatta, but also lost it all and get ripped for the boxing scenes. That's dedication to the craft my friends. Simply put, even if this film isn't selected it will always be considered one of thebest movies of all time. Hands down best scene is when Dinero gets Joe Pesci to slap theshit out of him (-N.M.)

Rocky 4

The Hurricane

Denzel Washington plays Rubin "Hurricane" Carter, a boxer who is stripped of his title and falsely imprisoned on murder charge.Sounds like Oscar gold right? Wronggg- he got snubbed, and subsequently ended up winning the Oscar the following day for his performance in Training Day (the academy's equivalent of a "make up" call). I personally think he should have won for The Hurricane. This movie reminds me of Shawshank Redemption mixed with some boxingand racial tension. This story of Hurricane Carter is actually the basis for my favorite Bob Dylan song. (-N.M.)

The Fighter

The Fighter is the true story of Lowell's own, Mickey Ward's, raise to fame. But the movie itself is about so much more than that. Like all boxing movies, it's about over coming adversity, but in this case, I would say it's primarily a story about family. Dickie Ward (Bale), a man once famous for knocking down Sugar Ray Lenard, believes he is being filmed by HBO to document his comeback, when in reality they're there to film his demise, in the appropriately titled "High On Crack Street". Promises are broken, arrests are made and tempers run high, but at the end of this movie- Irish is king. Melissa Leo and Christian Bale both took home Oscar's for Best Supporting Actor/Actress, and 21st century Rocky was born. (-D.C.)

Cinderella Man

Cinderella man is bestdescribed by it's title. Do you know how chicks root for Cinderella so hard tomeet her prince charming and put that glass slipper on and fall in love? Well mendo the same thing, but instead of love, they a root for a man down on his luckfighting to save his career and feed his family during the depression. On topof that he fights a Nazi, has it ever been easier to root for someone to win at the end of a movie? It's an awesome movie and true story Cinderella story, worthy of your time, vote and attention. (-N.M.)

As always, go VOTE for your favorite Boxing movie on the 2 Man Weave Facebook Page

-Miggs/Fresh/Strawn

You Can Buy Tickets To Tonight's Nets-Warriors Game For One Cent

2012-01-18T13:38:00.001-05:00

Lately we've taken to tracking some of the ridiculously low Net's tickets prices on Stubhub. Well tonight's game vs. the Golden State Warriors certainly takes the cake. That's right, for the ripe price of ONE CENT you can go to a professional (we use that term loosely) basketball game. What makes matters worse- I actually bought tickets to this game for my dad and I for Christmas, splurging on some lower level seats for like twenty bucks each. I'll be live tweeting from the game and depending on whether or not they decide to launch burritos into the stands, I may have a write up on it for you guys tomorrow. So yea, if any of you guys out there have a penny to spare, I'd be happy to take the Path out to Newark with you later.

-fresh

Three Quick, Random, Music Connections

2012-01-18T12:59:00.001-05:00

1) Levels is the new Call On Me

Think about it for a second, both songs are by Sweedish DJ's (Eric Prydz & Avicii) and are adored by house fans and causal music lovers alike. They both feature incredibly catchy hooks/phrases/lyrics etc. and neither song uses more than fifteen different words throughout it's entirety (11 for Call On Me, 13 for Levels). These two songs have been used as an audio lubricant to impregnate many a female throughout the years and are fan favorites for grownups who still like to chew on pacifiers.

2) The The Marvin's Room/Someone Like You connection

Even though Marvin's Room is a five minute drunk dial attempt to win back an ex-gf and Adele's sob song Someone Like You has become the anthem for scorned lovers everywhere, at it's true core these songs are far more similar then they are different. Both have past romances on their minds and although one is "just saying you could do better" while the other had "hoped you'd see my face and be reminded that for me, it isn't over", it's evident that both artists are longing for the past and holding onto something that so clearly isn't there anymore. Although the fact that Drake's already had sex four times this week leads me to believe that's he's coping with the breakup a tad better than our multi-chinned friend from across the pond.

3) What's the worst song of the past five years- Fireflies or Moves Like Jagger?

I'm sorry (I'm not sorry) but this is something that I just needed to put out there in the ether and see what my fellow weavers think this. Both of these songs make my insides tingly for all the wrong reasons. I'm going to give Owl City the benefit of the doubt and just proclaim them as the worlds shittiest band since this was their first single and subsequently every other song I've ever heard by them not only sounds identical, but sucks identical as well. I swear every time one of their songs starts playing on my "Pumped Up Kicks" Pandora station I do a mad dash to the "next" button.

But Maroon 5 on the other hand, what the fuck happened to you guys? As questionable as it may look in retrospect, I was a huge fan of these guys in high school. "She Will Be Loved", "This Love" and "Sunday Morning" were all quality songs. Moves Like Jagger makes me jealous of Nathan from Angry Boys. I find myself legitimately wishing that I was deaf. It's far and away the cheesiest, most sell-outish song I've ever heard. I have nothing else to say. It's time to move (like Jagger) on.

-fresh ( @danye33)

"Mean Drunk" Arrested For Smearing Iguana Feces On Teen's Head

2012-01-18T00:17:00.001-05:00

(NWFDW) A man was charged with a felony after smearing iguana “poop” on the face of a teenager. Carl Pfeifer, 53, was arrested Dec. 30 for incidents that took place on June 8, 2011. He threw a beer bottle at a teenager. The bottle hit the victim’s arm and ricocheted off of his face. The teenager did not retaliate. Pfeifer walked out of the room then returned with a tray that had iguana feces on it. He struck the teenager in the head with the tray, which smeared the poop in the teenager’s hair. Pfeifer cursed at the teenager. When Pfeifer was questioned about the incident, he said he had been drinking rum the night of the incident. He also said liquor makes him a “mean drunk” and he “may have said a few things he should not have,” according to the arrest report.

I can see it now. Some teenager that's beginning those coveted high school summers, probably minding his own business listening to some DMB, maybe mingling on fb chat or rolling one up somewhere and then out of the clear blue sky comes Carl "mean drunk" Pfeifer all sauced up on rum and just throws a bottle at you. You shrug it off instead of leaving or retaliating and then here comes Carl Pfeifer yet again, only this time with his readily available tray of iguana shit and just smacks you with it, smears the shit around in your hair, curses you out and leaves. We all face tough choices as teenagers. What college to go to? Who to take to the prom? Whether or not you should leave the room after some mean drunk just threw a bottle at you or stay put and get upended with trays full of iguana shit?. You're not gonna win them all, but I'm sure there's a moral victory in there somewhere. I mean at least you took the tray of iguana shit on the chin like a man right?

But on the other hand you can't really blame Carl Pfeifer here either. I mean when I drink liquor I'm sometimes an angry drunk and say things I don't mean. I don't go around throwing bottles and trays of iguana shit at teenagers, but like they say, to each his own.

-Bacon